Blank

I’ve opened a blank Word document several times in the last few days with the intention of writing a blog. I’ve stared at the blank screen and eventually just closed it without writing anything. I guess there just isn’t much going on in my life at the moment.

In the last week or two, a lot of my friends have been having some pretty horrible relationship problems. Relationships that had existed for years suddenly crumbled, new relationships faltered, and I am still struggling with my own demons.

It really makes me wonder how any two people can ever make anything work. Maybe my ideas about relationships draw too much on fairy tails. Maybe it’s all part of a cycle of growth and learning. After all, how can anyone really truly understand goodness and love without understanding their negative counterparts? Sometimes I wonder how much we have to learn before we can just be content, but I doubt there is ever a cut off point. We have to just keep going forward and be ok with the fact that most of the journey has to be completed alone. I suppose it just makes you appreciate it more when you have some company on your voyage.

Since I am decidedly single, I don’t have a lot to say about past relationships or lost relationships right now. (I know, weird huh?) New relationships and forward movement have been weighing heavy on my mind lately. Entering into a new relationship is a delicate balancing act. You have to trust your intuition, yet you also have to go out on a limb and leave your comfort zone. It’s scary. I’ve found that I have really good intuition but I deliberately ignore it in the hopes that I’m wrong. It’s a good thing I have some good friends that aren’t afraid to give me a boot in the ass when I do that.

Lately, I’ve been trying to determine if I even really want to be in a relationship. I mean I get lonely sometimes and would love to have some company around but I am also reasonably happy with my life right now. Plus, I’m a pretty big fan of sleeping diagonally in the center of the bed! But ultimately, I’m not a solitary sort of person and I would like someone in my life.

Recently a new prospect has materialized, seemingly out of nowhere. A mutual friend has been trying to convince me to ask him out for a few weeks. I’m not sure if he’s my “type” but I’m also not sure what my “type” is. Lately, it seems to be guys that are physically and/or emotionally unavailable that will ultimately hurt me in some way, whether they mean to or not. Someone reminded me recently that my type was more along the lines of a guy that is intelligent, has a lot of personality, and it wouldn’t hurt if he’s kind of cute. That’s all true and this new guy fits all of those criteria. It’s been years since I actually went out with someone that lived in the same town as me. That simplifies things considerably! I’m actually sort of excited about all this and I hope I see him in the near future. I don’t even remember the last time I asked someone out in person. It’s kind of a scary prospect, but in a good way!