I went home this weekend to visit my family. I haven’t been home in almost 6 months. I didn’t realize it had been that long but my mom certainly knew. I had seen my family though, they came down here once, I saw my mom and dad midway once, and my brother came here to help me move… plus I talk to my mom about 3 times a week and my dad and brother once every week or two. Sometimes I wonder how I even came from there. I outgrew the town years ago but you aren’t really allowed to outgrow your own family.
I got home and there on the kitchen counter was a pistol. The clip for it was sitting next to it. And next to that was my brothers NRA membership card. I had seen this pistol before but it used to be kept locked up in a closet somewhere. I have no idea why it was just sitting on the kitchen counter with the bullets for it right next to it. The NRA scares the hell out of me. I’m not anti guns, but I’m not pro guns either, and I am anti NRA for sure. I knew this became an issue with my dad and brother in the last election. They both voted for McCain since they were convinced Obama would take their guns away. Yes, my family seems to be one of those families that stockpiles guns and grumbles that the government wants to take them away from them. Neat. But whatever… I guess that’s fine. I personally have no use for guns in my life… but that’s just me.
My family is pretty cool with my being gay, at least to the point that they don’t say anything derogatory. I think that’s just because they love me and accept me for who I am and that is pretty much awesome. I’m so incredibly thankful for that. But I also know that the word “choice” is probably floating in the backs of their minds and “disappointment” isn’t too far away. As if they really wish I would just stop this nonsense and get a girlfriend and start making babies so they can tell their friends and neighbors. I wish it was that simple, and I would love to give my mom grandkids… but it’s just not in the cards for me. Maybe someday I’ll adopt but only if I happen to marry someone that is completely loaded and well connected. I’m thrilled to have a family that loves me unconditionally but I feel like we live on different planets. Plus that’s the only way to describe the 4 ½ hour drive home, each way.
So it doesn’t sound like I’m just whining about my conservative family I’m going to preface this next story with the fact that I found it very funny, so do me a favor and laugh at the end. It seems my brother has a girlfriend. This was news to me, but we don’t really talk much. We get along just fine, we just don’t chat much for some reason. It seems my dad and grandpa were talking a couple days before I got home about my brother and his girlfriend and my grandpa asked my dad why I didn’t have a girlfriend and then asked (probably jokingly) if I was gay. My dad was just like “uh, yeah.” I have no idea how my grandpa reacted since my mom related this story to me just minutes before my grandparents got to our house for dinner. When they walked through the door I happened to be standing in front of the stove blanching peaches so I could take the skin off and peal them for dessert. I might as well have been wearing a big pink apron that said “Sissy Mary” on it when my grandpa walked in. He asked what I was doing, I told him, and he said “You’ll make someone a good wife some day” and that was it. That was his way of welcoming me out of the closet. So… that’s good, right? I had to laugh.
I didn’t really ever have any plan to tell my grandparents unless I got into a very serious relationship and wanted to share my partner with my extended family. And as much as I hate it… it seemed much more likely that my grandparents would laps into senility than I would meet a decent guy. I told my parents long ago that they can out me to anyone they want, just as long as they tell me after. This isn’t how it usually works, but I wanted them to have some sense of control over the situation and anyone they tell would be a relative that I only see a handful of times a year but they see almost weekly. And sometimes it’s easier for someone else to tell those people while I’m safely 4 ½ hours away.
The evening didn’t end there. We enjoyed a nice meal and at some point the topic of the environment came up. It turns out nobody in my family believes in global warming and described it as “propaganda cooked up by the liberals.” Neat. Much like Sara Palin, they believe in climate change but not that humans have any sort of impact on it. It’s just a natural thing that happens no matter what and the only reason you should save gas is so you can personally save money. Now, to be honest I’m not sure how big of a factor humans play in climate change or even how much the climate is changing… BUT I do believe we are polluting the hell out of the planet and that is having some very serious consequences on our quality of life. I also believe that our climate is changing and our actions are having some sort of affect on that. But what do I know? I’m just a (college educated) bleeding heart liberal nut job.
I didn’t realize that anyone actually thought these things… let alone MY OWN FAMILY! I’m constantly amazed that I came from that place. I love my family and always will… but DaaaMN!!!
Every time I go home I seem to have drifted further away. At this point the only unifying factor I have with my family is food. That’s why I tell people that being a vegetarian would be worse for me than being gay. At least I can still sit down for a meal with my family and eat the same food. I’m not sure if going home more often would make things better or worse. No matter what, I need to spend more time with my family while I can. Who knows what the future could hold for any of us.
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