The Path of Least Resistance Is Catching Up With Me Again Today

Again Today - Brandi Carlile

Broken sticks and broken stones
Will turn to dust just like our bones
It's words that hurt the most now isn't it
Are you sad inside, are you home alone
If I could just pick up the phone
Maybe you could see a better day
And you won't waste away
under my watchful eye
Because I'm your hero and you're my weakness

Who's gonna break my fall
When the spinning starts
The colors bleed together and fade
Was it ever there at all
Or have I lost my way
The path of least resistance
Is catching up with me again today

I'm broken down, not good enough
The broken promises add up
To twice their weight in tears which I have caused

I'm afraid to sink, I'm afraid to swim
I'm sad to say I miss my friends
I know that I'm supposed to step away

But they need me to stay and keep a watchful eye
On all my heroes and all their demons

But who's gonna break my fall
When the spinning starts
The colors bleed together and fade
Was it ever there at all
Or have I lost my way
The path of least resistance
Is catching up with me again
Not today
Not today

Was it ever there at all
And have I lost my way
The path of least resistance
Is catching up with me again today

Broken sticks and broken stones
Will turn to dust just like our bones again today
I'm broken down
Not good enough
The broken promises add up again today

Was it ever there at all
And have I lost my way
The path of least resistance
Is catching up with me again today
Again today

I love Brandi Carlile. This is the last song off of The Story. It's a song I had heard many times but never really listened to until recently. It's funny how sometimes you hear the things you need to hear at exactly the right time. So much of this song seems to apply to my life recently. I should preface the following whiney rant with the fact that I AM mostly happy but I feel like I'm taking a back seat in my own life and letting everyone else call the shots. I'm not really happy with what I have but I'm not willing to do anything about it. Things aren't bad "enough" yet. Sure I hate my job but it is a job. Sure I'm bored and lonely but it could be worse. I'm not especially happy with my situation but I have no way of knowing a new one would be better. To make matters worse I seem to avoid situations that could potentially improve my life. I had big plans for this "seize the day" summer where I live in the present and take chances and have fun. It's only early June but I haven't taken this advice yet. I'm pushing people away. I'm declining dates with guys that seem to be interested, are cute, and are completely respectable. I'm not making any attempt to make new friends to replace the ones that have left. I find myself in a situation once again where I'm the last one standing. Nobody is left. I find myself putting together job applications and then not sending them. There seems to be a theme here... fear of rejection. Is that true? If so, where did this come from? I'm not a fan. Well, not today. Time to start staring in my own life. If I'm bored it's because I'm boring and need to do something about it. Summer of Me, here I come!