Twos

Wow, it’s been over two weeks since my last blog post. I just haven’t felt like blogging for some reason. I always have things to say; just sometimes I don’t feel like writing them down to anonymously post in a blog. (Even though I’m not sure how anonymous this is anyway.)

So, I guess to start – a follow up on the last blog. I wrote about how my dad outed me to my grandpa, which was fine since he had permission. But I guess the story didn't end there. To recap, my grandpa jokingly asked if I was gay and my dad very mater-of-factly said that yes I am gay. I guess they chatted a little while longer and my grandpa said something to the effect that he just doesn’t understand how that works. My dad just looked at him and said “you don’t have to understand, you just have to accept him.” I almost cried when my mom told me the rest of the story. I am really blessed to have such amazing parents. That was exactly the right thing for my dad to say.

Things at home are a little weird and confusing still. I feel very much at home there. Possibly more than I ever felt “at home” even after 2 years of living in my last apartment. With the (near) completion of the upstairs bathroom and the installation of new recessed lights, the house took on a very warm “housey” feel that I love. And I like not being alone and sharing meals with a friend.

My dog is behaving a lot better than she ever has before. She loves having more people around and we actually had a guest over on Sunday night and she wasn’t a total embarrassment! She treated him just like he was one of the regular inhabitants of the house. Daddy was very pleased.

As I said, the roommate situation continues to be a little weird and confusing. He might have proposed to me last night. I’m not sure. I know… you are either proposed to or not, there is no “not sure” but… well… I’m not sure. I’ll pick up on the possible proposal in a minute. First some more back story. Last week he asked me if I would be his “insignificant other” at a going away party bbq thingy for one of his colleagues. I was a little offended at the “insignificant” part but I certainly don’t want to be “significant” either and I also decided that bbq accompaniment fell squarely in the realm of “boyfriend duties.” But I also knew that he wouldn’t have asked if he didn’t want me there and I remember going to work related events alone and hating it so I was considering going. I would have known at least 2 other people there and going to functions and meeting people is probably good for me. My other option was a shopping trip I had been putting off for some time. I needed new jeans. All my pants had more or less simultaneously self destructed so I had like one or two pair left that didn’t have a huge rip in the ass or weren’t embarrassingly short or something like that. I explained this to my roommate on the day of the bbq and he was feeling a little passive aggressive since I wasn’t going with him so he said something about how my ass and bad pants were the least of my problems. Well, that settled it. I was not going anywhere with him if he was going to be crabby. I gathered my shit and drove an hour and a half south to the nearest Banana Republic to partake of 30% off jeans.

Have you ever done something you thought was completely out of character only to realize that you’ve actually done it before and therefore it was pretty normal for you? It’s sort of an unsettling feeling to learn something new about yourself that is slightly less than desirable. I might have sort of possibly been a party to a booty call while I was on my shopping trip. The confusing part is that I’m not sure if I made the call or answered it and somehow I wasn’t aware of what I was getting myself into until it was happening but it still wasn’t a surprise. I’ve known the guy for at least a couple years and somehow every time we have spent more than 5 minutes together we’ve eventually ended up naked and sweaty. It’s just not been so direct before. In the past he’s usually been passing through and needed a place to stay and then “stuff just happened.” This time there was no pretext, we both knew why we were there. I guess it wasn’t really a big deal, just sort of unexpected in an “I should have figured that out sooner” sort of way. It was nice to see him and I have no complaints.

So, I guess to recap… my roommate might or might not be hitting on me and seems to not know if he wants to date me or not and so he asked me to a bbq and instead I drove to a different state to bang another dude. That would seem really slutty except I am most certainly single and I have always been at least a little in love with the guy I went to see. The last time he was in town a friend saw us having dinner together and she asked who he was. I just said “he’s the one that got away.” Damn, he has pretty eyes… and now he’s running through my mind again. Why can’t I just have a normal relationship where both parties like each other and everything can work out? I’m tired of only be being liked by people that I can’t be with or liking people I can’t have. I think I’m going to write a book about my relationships and call it “Unrequited.”

So, back to the possible but not probable proposal. I got home last night a little before 8:00. I’m usually home much earlier but I’m taking a 6:30 yoga class. My roommate was standing in the kitchen looking unusually grumpy. It seems he almost got hit by a car biking home, was hungry, I was late, and it was probably my turn to make dinner. That would make me grumpy too. But I was unusually cheerful after my yoga class so I didn’t let it bother me. I took a quick shower and then offered to help him make dinner since he was working on a salad when I got out of the shower. I decided to make grilled pastrami and swiss on rye bread since the bread needed used up and was getting a tiny bit stale. There was a bit of a heel left after I made the sandwiches. My roommate asked me what we called that and he was pleased to find that it’s a heel in both English and Czech. Then I cut it in half put it on the plates with the sandwich and that’s where the weirdness came in. It seems he so strongly approved of the eating and/or sharing of the last bit of the bread that he said he almost wanted to propose to me. I played it off as a joke and asked; “over a heel of bread?” And he got kind of serious and said; “for a lot of reasons.” I just told him to eat his sandwich and ignored the entire situation. Later in the meal he announced that he found me a “husband” online and described the site the guy’s profile was on and what he looked like. One minute it’s near marriage proposals, the next he’s pimping me out to strangers. Boyz R dum.

So, after not sharing anything for weeks I’m probably over sharing in this. But I guess that’s just how I roll.