Well, I officially jinxed myself by writing that overly gushy blog yesterday. Now I have my low for the semester. Pretty much everything that happened from 1:30 yesterday afternoon to 6:30 last night sucked.
I found out a week ago that I would have a 4th person working in my office starting in January to finish up the grant I was originally hired to work on a year and a half ago. Since the scan lab was getting moved I was going to have a station set up for her and since I originally worked on that grant I knew exactly what she could and couldn’t work on. No prob. Then she showed up to tell me she was told her current grant was out of money and she would be starting immediately - as in within the hour. That complicated things some but I came up with a game plan and decided I should run some things past HR to make sure I had the details correct. I normally like talking to HR – they make you feel good about yourself and use nonspecific words so that you leave feeling better but nothing really happens. This time I left feeling belittled, angry, marginalized, and upset. I was basically told that this was none of my concern and that someone else would decide what this person would do and it was implied that I was overstepping my boundaries and that I should just get back to my desk and do something simple. Ouch.
So, I went back to my office vented for a few minutes and felt a little better. I found out the person that said those things had a lot on her mind and that it wasn’t personal, I just happened to show up at exactly the wrong time. Not an excuse but made me feel a bit better. Then I got an email from my Canadian. I normally enjoy those. This one I did not enjoy. I’m still not sure what the intention of the email was but it had the feel of getting preemptively dumped before we even had a relationship. Awkward, since I bought a nonrefundable, nontransferable ticket to spend 3 days with him after Christmas. Super, so now I’m being dumped by a guy I REALLY like but I’m not even in a relationship with and still plan on spending several days with. Ouch.
I was on the verge of tears and had two other people in my office so I decided it would be best to just make a hasty exit and go home. In spite of having 4 inches of fresh snow on the ground I took my dog for a long walk until I was half frozen. I went back home had a glass of red wine and took a nice hot bubble bath. I felt a little better so I got out of the tub and turned on my laptop to write to the Canadian. My laptop then informed me that I had a virus and it wouldn’t let me update my virus software or remove the virus. Then the internet just quit working entirely. No computer usage for me. Ouch.
So, I decided to make some dinner. Cooking is therapeutic for me so I cleaned some dishes and decided to make some stuffed peppers and then maybe some banana bread. I started cleaning the peppers and couldn’t immediately find a spoon to scrap the ribs and seeds out of the peppers so I used my thumb nail. They were jalapeƱos so this probably wasn’t the best idea but I’ve done it before and they’ve never really seemed to bother me. I got the filling all done and all the peppers cleaned and I noticed the back of one hand stung a little bit like I got something in small cut or something. Ten minutes later both hands were red and burning. Super, a chemical burn from peppers on both hands. Ouch.
I feel better today but I was a pretty sad panda for a while. The work thing and the Canadian thing are infinitely more complicated than I made them sound here. Ultimately, nothing has really changed. My job is still what it’s always been and I’m still just as single as I was yesterday. I feel like Icarus. I flew too close to the sun, my wings melted, and I landed with a thump back on earth. I’m not a department manager and I will not have a boyfriend after my trip to San Francisco. Oh well, life goes on.
To let loose.
To let free.
To breathe in.
To breathe out.
Peace out.
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