I’m Grumpy…

… but I’ll probably get over it. The last couple of weeks have been like a really lame roller coaster ride, where I’m pretty happy about how things are going and then something stupid happens and the very things I had been happy about end up making me sad or angry or disappointed.

Work has been the biggest frustration. I have very little left to say on the subject aside from the fact that I’m done, I’m broken, and I don’t care anymore. I have been busting my ass for the last 8 months trying to impress the administration in the hopes that they would see what a fantastic job I’m doing and promote me but it is now obvious that will never happen. I’ve accomplished a lot in the last 8 months that I am very proud of and I wanted to make sure my boss knew what I’ve been doing so I invited him for a “tour” of the new office. He agreed, came down, and I showed him around but it was really just an opportunity for me to show off and brag about how much we’ve achieved since my supervisor left in spite of the fact that “nobody” has been in charge. Not only did he not seem impressed, he didn’t even seem to care. He was completely unimpressed even. No “thank you,” no “well done,” no “attaboy.” Nothing. He was more concerned with the fact that we are using up server space than the fact that under my guidance we have increased our digital collection by nearly 2000 items. Any sense of loyalty I once had to this place is gone. I’m discouraged and I feel angry and betrayed. The really shitty part is that since the economy is so horrible, it will be virtually impossible for me to leave anytime soon so I just have to suck it up and keep doing my job. Next week I get to interview two recent graduates for the job I applied for and have been doing since June. One graduated in December, the other will graduate in May. I have no issue with someone else being hired for this job as long as they know more than me so I won’t have to train my own supervisor, but it doesn’t look like that will be the case. *sigh*

My degree seems to just be stagnating at this point. The department has stopped replying to my emails and I don’t really know what to do anymore. I can’t graduate unless someone, ANYONE decides to take an interest in me and help me out. My advisor won’t do that, the old dept chair is gone, and the current chair is ignoring me. As far as I know, I just need to finish my thesis (which is basically done) and defend it and that will be that. Seems simple enough… but no. Damn it! I am so sick of being the victim and whining about how somebody is screwing me over. It’s starting to make me question myself. I hate that even more.

Ok, and now for something less bitchy and angry… Um… The dog! Yes, she is always a source of entertainment! She pretty much hates all the snow and cold weather we’ve had lately. (Incidentally, a foot of snow fell on Sunday and then it was -15 when I came to work yesterday.) She actually loves the snow and would run around and plow it with her face if I let her but when it’s this dangerously cold out she doesn’t get to play outside much or go for walks. I tried to take her for a walk yesterday but we got about 2 houses down and she was limping from the frozen sidewalks so we turned around and skedaddled home. Since she hasn’t been able to run off her energy she’s been “helping” me with chores. She sleeps in the clean laundry to make sure I’m extra insulated with clothing covered in dog hair. She stands under the stove when I cook to make sure no crumbs fall on the floor. And my new favorite helpful thing is when she shows me where the end table is after we come in from the yard. I have no idea why, but every single time we enter the apartment she goes directly to the end table in the living room and points to it with her nose until I acknowledge the table. Silly doggy.

Nothing new to report in the romance department… I’ve been staying in contact with the Canadian but he’s been very busy getting ready for an interview for a university in Canada. Things are infinitely more complicated with him than I want to go into. I guess I just want him to be happy and we will certainly stay friends.

I saw Milk in the theater last weekend. Watch it, it’s such an amazing story and the film was made very well. There are a lot of similarities to what was happening in 1978 to what is happening today. It’s spooky actually. It’s heart breakingly sad, but still very inspirational. I might have posted this before but it’s worth a second post.


Something happy: I was driving the other day and I realized that I was unexpectedly happy. I actually had to do this little mental recap to figure out why I was so happy. Did I meet someone new? No… Did something good happen at work? No… Hmm… that’s weird… Oh, yeah Obama is President! That’s something to be happy about! :-)

And now I’m just takin a minute
To take in all of this
And this year I’m gunna extinguish
‘Cause that’s the game
Reverse the flame
Chaos vs. arrangements
That keep closed an open brain
That ruptures steel structures
That keep wild hearts contained

To let loose
To let free
To breath in
To breath out
Peace out