The Rest of the Story

Since last night's post was fairly cryptic... here is the full story.

It's funny how someone I never called my boyfriend could end up being my ex... but... my now ex boyfriend asked me to come over for a drink and a movie last night. Pretty normal. I brought some movies over. We picked one and he poured some wine and we snuggled up to watch it. It was an exceptionally stupid movie but we both laughed a lot and enjoyed it. The movie got over and it was earlier than I expected so I figured we would mess around a little but then he started a conversation. That was cool since I had actually just decided that very day that we needed to talk more and I was determined to open up to him and be more honest about everything. He asked me how I saw the future. I told him I wasn't entirely sure and that until recently I just wanted to get out of town but I had realized that I am happy here. I surprised myself by saying this, mostly because it was true. For a brief second I reveled in the fact that I could honestly say I was happy. Then he asked me what would make that change. I wasn't sure. My job, my friends, and an unspoken "you." Then he asked where I saw "us" going. Again I wasn't sure. I could feel myself censoring and holding back and being cryptic but I said that I was happy with him and taking things one day at a time and that was enough for me for now. Then in his Czech accent that I've grown to love and in his cutting and somewhat painful honesty that I've grown to appreciate he said: "There is no spark." And I knew it was true. There was no spark. I was happy to spend time with him but I never had butterflies thinking about him and if we went a few days without contact then that was fine. That's not how this is supposed to work. But just the same I was hurt. I wanted there to be a spark. I wanted to be in love. On paper he's perfect. He treated me like a prince, he's funny, he's brilliant, he's an amazing cook, and we had fun together. I had been hoping that the spark would come later and it actually had. For me it started to develop the very day that he broke up with me but he broke up with me before I could tell him. I have no idea if we'll stay friends. I kind of hope we do but when he hugged me for the last time he said "take care" and it seemed to mean goodbye.