Why does a new relationship or a failed relationship make you feel like an emotional 13 year old girl? Seriously? I was perfectly fine being single two months ago. I actually thought I made peace with that aspect of my life and had actually stopped actively looking. True story: Sometime last spring I sat down and made this mental check list of qualities a guy would have to have in order for me to want to date him. It included the basics like sense of humor, intelligence, and a list of specific physical traits since let's be honest... we are all attracted to certain things and not attracted to other things. That list also included a physical location - "within walking distance of my house." The first list eliminated like 97% of the human population and that last one eliminated roughly 99.9999999% of all people. But that was my list and I was going to stick to it. In a way it was me closing that book and saying "you know what, it's ok to be single and just work on yourself for a while." And I did. In just a few months I went back to grad school, started a program in historic preservation that I love, made new friends, started socializing again, and got passionate about starting a GLSEN chapter. And then out of the blue someone that actually met all of my requirements showed up. That wasn't supposed to happen. I think my mistake was when I started over thinking the situation. Instead of thinking "hey, what a fun new friend!!" I thought "hey, you will be my next boyfriend." That's a little creepy. So... after about 5 or 6 weeks of "seeing" each other and not being sure if we were going on dates or hanging out or what, I have been decisively placed in the "friend zone." And that's ok. That actually keeps my crazies in check and I can go back to working on myself and being selfish and making choices just for myself. Who knows what the future holds.
So, I guess it's reassuring that there are actually guys out there that can meet my insane standards. I kind of feel like I should be a little angry that I was proven wrong and that I might not have to become a cranky old spinster with a collection of house cats that will eventually eat me in my sleep. It's a little tragic that the first guy to meet those standards is unavailable... but nothing lasts forever and if there is one, there is bound to eventually be a second.
So... back to me. I'm doing just fine. Classes are going well. My life is good and not in any way less full than it was a week ago. The best thing I can do is to live my life well.
To let loose,
To let free,
To breath in,
To breath out,
Peace out.
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