I guess I'm leaving in a couple hours to see my guy in Utah. I've gone back and forth and up and down about him since he visited me a couple weeks ago. I'm sure I'm over thinking everything since I do that. I suspect I'm going to have a wonderful time with him. We had a lot of fun while he was here and the issues I've been worrying about only pop up over the phone. I hate talking on the phone. I hate struggling to come up with conversation topics when he calls at 10:45 at night and I'm happy to hear his voice but I really just want to go to sleep. I hate that we both fill empty space on the phone with random shit that pops into our heads. I hate that he's leaving his job and driving home when we talk since that's pretty much when we are all at our worst. I hate that I don't understand his humor sometimes. And I am concerned that at least some of the time when he's "joking" about something he actually means it but gets to play it off as a joke while actually saying what he means. I wish I could come up with an example... I guess I should take that as an indication that I'm probably over thinking the situation. Anyway, I have some reservations about this drive/ trip and I'm trying to vent them before I leave so that I can get there with a fresh head. I don't want to sabotage myself so I know I have to arrive happy to see him and give the weekend a fair chance to play out properly. It's a beautiful day and I'm kind of looking forward to the drive. Once I'm there I think he has several fun things planned and I might run into a couple of old friends. Ultimately, I'm sure this will be a fun weekend and a nice diversion from my regular life for a while. Yeah... I think that's a good frame... no need to stress out about imaginary issues. I can do that when I get back home on Sunday. ;-)
To let loose.
To let free.
To breathe in.
To breathe out.
Peace out.
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