My weekend was pretty relaxing but punctuated with awkward moments. Friday I went out with some new people that I work with. We had a couple drinks and some food and chatted. It was mildly awkward, but I think it was just me. I have found I'm far more awkward in social situations recently than I ever was in the past. I managed to awkwardly out myself to them but it was in such a subtle way that I have no idea if they both got it or not. Either way, it was awkward. Oh and to make matters even more awkward... My most recent local crush that hosted the drag party last week was there with his new boyfriend, who as it turns out teaches 4th grade and is incredibly nice. So there I was in the middle of two tables. At one table are two young women I work with but barely met that I just awkwardly came out to. At the other table is my most recent ex with his new boyfriend and all his friends. I should have just started drinking heavily but I took the "high road" and just powered though and then went home.
Saturday my roommate had a Christmas party. Almost all of my friends were already gone for the holidays so it was primarily his friends, which I'm actually starting to count as my own friends now. Only half the people he expected ended up showing so it was... you guessed it... awkward. We had tiny fancy pizza, a somewhat forced and lame white elephant gift exchange (where I decided to give my Lego Yoda alarm clock away from the previous post) and then people left by about 9:00. It actually wasn't so bad and I got an INXS greatest hits cd out of it, so that's not so bad.
My roommate left early Sunday morning and his cute little dog went to stay with some mutual friends until I get back from my parents house. They had some concerns about my parents dog eating her or something... I think she would have been just fine but it's a little less stressful to have to worry about both dogs for a couple weeks. My poor doggy was all sad last night. We had a fun morning together where she was all happy and friendly and cuddly but then sometime around noon she realized she was lonely and unhappy and started looking for my roommate and his dog to come home. It's going to be a long winter break if she spends all of it at her post by the front door waiting for their return.
In other news... I have no idea what to think of my Utah boy still. I hate that he lives so far away and since we only talk at night as he's driving home from work and all I want to do is go to bed I'm starting to forget why I even like him. He just talks about how much he hates his job and the (fat) people he works with and he gets all road rage-y and he changes the conversation topic pretty randomly and often so it's really hard to actually say anything half way interesting or meaningful. It's really starting to bug me that he NEVER asks about how my day was or what I've been doing. To start with I saw it as sort of an opportunity to learn how to converse a little better with people that don't ask questions but now I'm starting to get insulted since he just seems to genuinely not care. Which is odd... since he talks about how much he loves me and how the things I say are "cute" and he's clearly crazy about me but I am starting to wonder why he even thinks that since 80% of my conversation is "uh huh," "that sucks," "too bad," "yeah" and that sort of thing in response to his complaints about various things. And I know it's mostly just because nobody is at their best at 10:45 at night when they just get off work and are driving home but all those less than pleasant conversations are starting to erase any memory of why I even liked him to begin with. And last night I snapped a little. After the third time of being interrupted or shot down when I was attempting to steer the conversation away from how much he hates something I said something and hurt his feelings. But then we continued to chat for over 30 minutes until he got home and then instead of saying goodnight since it was almost 11:30 he asked if he could call me back later. I said I was going to bed and we could talk the next day and he ignored it. Midnight rolls around and he called. I swore under my breath and answered since I knew he would just try again in 10 minutes if I didn't and I wanted to get to sleep. He knows that I go to work at 8 in the morning EVERY day but somehow that doesn't translate into the fact that I have to be up by 7 and that means I would like to go to sleep at a reasonable hour. And it would be one thing if he had something relevant to say... but he had nothing to say... and just blathered on for five minutes while I was not even pretending to care and then he was genuinely upset when I told him it was midnight and I needed to get some sleep. But on the other hand all he wanted was to "hear my voice" because he "likes talking with me." That's sweet... but also super inconvenient since it's always on his terms. I think he's WAY more into me than I am to him and I don't even know why since he doesn't know that much about me and doesn't seem that interested in learning. How in the hell is this supposed to work out?
To let loose.
To let free.
To breath in.
To breath out.
Peace out.
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