Meltdown

Today was a weird day. I feel better overall. Less stressed, my head is better, and I generally feel less horrible and S.A.D.-y. But today was still very weird and I was weird too.

The day started like a normal Tuesday. I got to work a couple minutes late, had some coffee, went to a meeting... no biggy. Except at the meeting it was announced that someone we work with was leaving. Not exactly breaking news since we all had known that for weeks. But then it was announced that someone that works with me would be picking up the slack by moving to another department. Let's call the person leaving "Smooze" and the person having to pick up the slack for him "Buzz." What makes this situation really awkward was that Smooze was going out of his way to get Buzz fired and now Smooze is leaving and Buzz gets to do two jobs to make up for it. Buzz was understandably upset about this situation, but to make matters worse... he found out the same time as the rest of us. He was never asked he was simply told. Never mind his contract... he now has a new job description for the next six months. He was visibly upset to the point of not even being able to clearly express his anger at the situation.

The managers where I work don't deal with change well. When even the most minor thing goes wrong they have one response - call a special meeting, invite none of the people most affected, come up with the least inspired solution possible, and then just wait for the people it affects to find out in ways that don't include actually telling them in person. If "Buzz" wasn't looking for a new job before, he probably is now and I wouldn't blame him. Actually, there are about 4 of us actively looking for new jobs.

Since one small thing changed at work, everyone was on edge. People that are normally very easy going started freaking out like the sky was falling. I was told to complete a tiny project by two different people before I had even finished my morning coffee. Granted, it needed to be done and was like 30 minutes worth of work but the way I was told to complete it indicated that if I didn't finish the missing text block for my exhibit then the entire universe would come to an abrupt and unpleasant end. This was the first of three such projects today. Each one was maybe 30 minutes worth of simple work but also THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT THING EVER!!!!! So, that was weird and vaguely inconvenient.

My entire workplace seemed on the verge of a meltdown all day. My own meltdown didn't come along until around 7:43 this evening.

I was invited to a birthday party tonight. The birthday party of my most recent local crush from the days before my sweet Utah boy. We had a drink last week and that went well and we seemed to be figuring out this "being friends" thing, not that we were really ever anything other than friends. Oh, one other thing... it was a drag party. Sounds like fun but it was a Tuesday night and I have to work so I decided to go but to not go in drag. Asking all of your party guests to attend wearing special clothing, wigs, shoes, and makeup that will only be used once seems a little unreasonable so I figured I wouldn't be the only person to not show up in drag. I was. I have never in my life wished that I was stuffed into an ugly dress until tonight. It felt like I was a freshman in high school all over again. I doubt this still happens in many high schools, but when I went to school the seniors got to dress up the freshman during homecoming week and haze them. When I was a freshman, I was the only boy that wasn't dressed up. All my classmates were in awkward dresses and outfits except me, which was actually the only way to make the experience even more humiliating. And last night I got to relive that humiliation one more time. Additionally, I hadn't seen any of his friends in a couple of months and they were all in drag so I didn't recognize most people which added an additional level of awkward. AND to make matters worse he had a date that was basically my doppelganger only he was wearing a fabulous red dress. That was fine, I didn't care that he had moved on since I moved on myself but it does sting a bit to be preemptively dumped so that he could just be alone and not be in a relationship and then two months later he is dating some dude that looks a lot like me. After about twenty minutes I realized I was standing alone in a corner pretending to text and playing with the dog. That is the height of socially awkward. So, I made a very transparent excuse and got the hell out of there.

I felt awkward going home so soon so I went to Walmart and purchased a Lego Yoda alarm clock. Don't ask me why... I just needed it. Somehow buying something completely unnecessary made me feel better. I think I'll put it in my new office unless I give it away as a white elephant gift. Who am I kidding? I'm keeping it.