Let's see... where did we last leave off in the saga of my dating life? It seems our hero (me) was whining about how crazy his boyfriend seemed to be and how needy he was being about everything. The needy boyfriend was going to drive from Utah just to see spend time with the whiny one (me) and there was a great deal of concern.
This was the third weekend we spent together and it was by far the best. He drove 6 hours, got a speeding ticket, and skated over icy roads that were closing behind him just to see me. He got here Wednesday night, later than he anticipated but still considerably earlier than the last time he visited me. We had big plans of going to the library so we could both get our homework out of the way but he didn't get here until about 11 so he had a slice of cold pizza (since I'm a horrible host and didn't have anything better prepared) and we went to bed. It felt nice to go to have someone in bed with me that wasn't a stinky dog that sheds like crazy.
The next morning we slept in and cuddled. I am a sucker for cuddling. We had a conversation about the recent drama and fighting and he managed to say the one thing that somehow made everything all better in my crazy head. Durring the height of our big fight I asked him hypothetically if he could be my friend if things went south. This was a test of sorts... I wanted him to say that yes we would stay friends no matter what but I soon realized this was a cruel thing to do to him. He delicately answered that he might be too hurt to stay friends but he would be willing to try after a certain amount of time. Last week in bed he further explained that he didn't want to just be my friend, he wants to be my best friend and that he realizes dating someone in a different state is difficult but he wants to make the effort.
It is difficult and I do have concerns and he does come across as a little crazy and needy sometimes but how often do you find someone willing to drive 300 miles just to spend the weekend with you? How often do you find someone that you can open up to and feel comfortable with after only a few months? How often do you find someone willing to make changes to his own life just to accomodate you? All along I was focusing on the few small differences that we have, rather than the many things we have in common. It's rare to find someone that wants all the same things out of life and is willing to compromise and work with you to get those things. So, just like that I stopped playing games. No more tests, no more doing things just to see how he would react... I let my guard down for the first time in years and let him into my life uninhibited. It was and still is terrifying but it's wonderful at the same time. And since doing that, he's been considerably less needy, and he's stopped playing games as well. It's so nice to look forward to talking to him and to be happy to find a text saying nothing more than "I love you" or "I miss you." Those same texts would have freaked me out and made me angry a week ago. Not now.
The rest of the weekend was great. We stayed in town and did some shopping. We went to the grocery store together. We went on a fun little day trip together. We cooked together and it all just worked. Simple. It's amazing what a difference a week can make.
I still have some very real concerns about how this can possibly all work out, but now I'm willing to try to let it work. We might both get hurt in the end, but at least we'll know we tried. Honestly, at the moment knowing that I COULD work out is just as scary as knowing that it might not. Time will tell.
In other news; the weather sucks, it's been insanely cold, I've heard nothing more about the job I interviewed for almost 2 weeks ago, and classes are kicking my ass.
I'm currently sitting in a computer lab "doing homework." I thought maybe a blog post would somehow inspire me to write a brilliant review of this boring article I'm reading. We'll see.
I guess that's my anthem these days... "We will see."
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