So, I pretty much feel (and smell) like death warmed over this morning. I’ve been having weird sleeping issues lately. Not sure what that’s all about since I’m normally a rock star at sleeping. Usually, I just go to bed and then I’m out like a light until my alarm goes off in the morning, but lately I’ve been having trouble getting to sleep and then waking up at the wee hours of the morning just to attempt to go back to sleep again. Last night I went to bed early since I had stayed out WAYYYY too late Saturday night (more on that later). I had a little trouble getting to sleep and then woke up at 3:30 since I was thirsty – not just thirsty but PARCHED. I had a drink of water and then went back to bed. And then I proceeded to just lay there for an hour or two. Awesome. Finally I got back to sleep and like 14 seconds later my alarm went off and my body said “oh, HELL no!” I had a reasonably important meeting at 8:00 this morning so I really needed to be at work on time, if not early. (Who has a meeting at 8:00 on a Monday morning anyway?!) So, I bargained with myself. I had done most of the prep work for my meeting in my head at 4 A.M. so I didn’t really need to be early, on time was good enough, so I reset my alarm and went back to sleep. 1.8 seconds later my alarm went off again and my body protested. I shut off the alarm and tried to get out of bed only to pass out with one leg dangling over the side of the bed and my arm still on the night stand. I woke up a little later to find my meeting started in exactly 12 minutes. Fantastic. So I FLEW out of bed, scared poor Sasha to death by flinging a bowl of kibble at her before I rinsed off in the shower. No time for soap, just scalding hot water. It was as I was frantically drying off that I realized I smelled horrible and I remembered that I had curry for dinner the night before. Awesome. The good news is that I made it to my meeting only 4 minutes late and gave my little presentation. The bad news was that there wasn’t any coffee in the building and I smelled like the dumpster behind an Indian restaurant. I made a quick trip to a coffee shack near by for a cinnamon mocha and I’ll take a proper shower on my lunch break. I suppose after a Monday morning like this, my week can only improve!
Saturday night I got all gussied up and drove down with some friends to go dancing. I *heart* dancing and I don’t get to go that often since it’s a little insane to drive over 2 hours just to go to a club. It was a friend’s birthday and I was part of the birthday surprise. That really makes my feel goods happy, to know my mere presence is enough to count as a gift! We got to the club earlier than I normally get there so we didn’t even have to pay a cover charge, the birthday boy showed up and it was on like Donky Kong! It just happened to work out that pretty much everyone I know that ever goes clubbing was there that night so I ran into like a dozen different friends that I rarely ever see. I felt pretty popular. Not bad for a boy from Wyoming! We also got to hang out in the roped off VIP section with the nice couches and a fruit tray since my friends had reserved that for the birthday boy. That’s just how I roll, VIP all the way baby! ;-) There was a tiny bit of drama off and on all night, but all in all I had a fun time. Before I go back the next time I need to learn Pink’s part to Lady Marmalade. My friends are crazy fun and do things like designate solos to songs like that. Imagine my embarrassment to be bestowed with the honor of Pink’s solo, only to find that I don’t know the words. Inexcusable! We left just before the club closed to beat the rush and then against my better judgment we stopped for some McDonalds on the way home. I finally got to bed sometime around 4 in the morning. Whoof… I feel like maybe I’m getting too old for that sort of thing but I recovered fairly well yesterday and I firmly believe that you shouldn’t ever get so old that you don’t enjoy having fun! It helped that I didn’t drink much. After I had some coffee and some food yesterday I was a pretty happy camper. Noticeably happier even. Stupid little things that would normally piss me off simply amused me. I need to get out more often it seems!
Monday, November 24, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
And Now… The Rest of the Story
My last blog included (among other things) a little story about how I was stood up earlier in the week. I didn’t hear anything from him. I called while I was waiting and then sent a text after I quit waiting. I even sent an “olive branch” sort of email to him the next day. I explained that I’m probably too forgiving and that Laramie is a very small community so it would probably be best if we talked it out before he moved here so we didn’t have to have some awkward situation at Walmart or something. Nothing in reply… Until 1:36 last night. Yes, he chose the wee morning hours of a weekday to finally send a couple of texts to me. They explained that he dropped his phone and somehow managed to drive over it with his car and then he couldn’t remember the name of the restaurant so he just left town. Wow… even if that is true, that’s hardly an excuse to stand someone up. Even if he forgot the name of the restaurant, he knew it was down town and down town is only a few blocks. I even gave him the address – the corner of Ivenson and 2nd. Simple. Even if he only remembered one of those streets he could have found the place if he tried. That’s the point: “if he tried.” He didn’t. And even if he couldn’t remember anything about the name or location of the restaurant, he could have sent an email! RUDE!
I got a pleasant surprise at work yesterday. Not the surprise I was hoping for but something nice just the same. I learned some time ago that good news gets put in my mail slot at work and bad news gets mailed home. So, when I saw a sealed letter in one of the “good” envelopes in my mail slot I figured it was probably something at the very least “not bad.” Turns out my one year probationary period ended this week. The letter was really very nice and included glowing quotations from my supervisor about how awesome I am! As a token of their appreciation, they also gave me a lil raise. I hesitate to even call it a little raise, it’s simply “lil.” The phrase “it’s the thought that counts” applies here I think. But it was still nice and even a small raise is still a raise!
Then today… I ran into the IT guy and he off handedly asked if I had figured out how I was going to set up the new lab. To which I said: “eh?” It seems someone somewhere in the building decided the office I’m currently working in should be moved to the next room over and my supervisor (who doesn’t exist) will take over the office I’m currently working in. This was news to me. I’ve found that the people most directly affected by something at work are often the last to find out. I immediately started sleuthing and discovered this was true. After a couple of meetings I was able to talk them out of painting the walls in the new lab gray, talked them into repainting the horrible gray room, and scored permission to pick out pretty much anything I wanted to put on the walls of both rooms! Pretty exciting. I’ve been working in a gray windowless dungeon of a room for almost three years now. The prospect of walls that are not gray and art on the walls is really appealing! Plus this means we will actually have our own little department, complete with a conference table and a real desk for everyone that works there!
I’m going dancing this weekend with some friends. I’m excited to get my groove on!
I got a pleasant surprise at work yesterday. Not the surprise I was hoping for but something nice just the same. I learned some time ago that good news gets put in my mail slot at work and bad news gets mailed home. So, when I saw a sealed letter in one of the “good” envelopes in my mail slot I figured it was probably something at the very least “not bad.” Turns out my one year probationary period ended this week. The letter was really very nice and included glowing quotations from my supervisor about how awesome I am! As a token of their appreciation, they also gave me a lil raise. I hesitate to even call it a little raise, it’s simply “lil.” The phrase “it’s the thought that counts” applies here I think. But it was still nice and even a small raise is still a raise!
Then today… I ran into the IT guy and he off handedly asked if I had figured out how I was going to set up the new lab. To which I said: “eh?” It seems someone somewhere in the building decided the office I’m currently working in should be moved to the next room over and my supervisor (who doesn’t exist) will take over the office I’m currently working in. This was news to me. I’ve found that the people most directly affected by something at work are often the last to find out. I immediately started sleuthing and discovered this was true. After a couple of meetings I was able to talk them out of painting the walls in the new lab gray, talked them into repainting the horrible gray room, and scored permission to pick out pretty much anything I wanted to put on the walls of both rooms! Pretty exciting. I’ve been working in a gray windowless dungeon of a room for almost three years now. The prospect of walls that are not gray and art on the walls is really appealing! Plus this means we will actually have our own little department, complete with a conference table and a real desk for everyone that works there!
I’m going dancing this weekend with some friends. I’m excited to get my groove on!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Life is Like all Complicated and Junk…
So, yesterday I wrote about how I don’t really know how to proceed with my life since my Canadian left. I was talking in generalities and in theory at the time but then just a few hours later I had to make a real decision regarding dating. So, to clarify – Before my Canadian showed up, let’s call him “B” I had been on a date with another guy that lives in town, let’s call him “A.” The date with “A” went well, but he didn’t ever return my calls and we haven’t been out since. That sort of sucks but it makes things easier since “B” complicated my life tremendously. So, I wondered if I should continue dating after having effectively found my “soul mate.” Realistically, it would be silly and premature to quit dating in the hopes of someday being with “B” but that’s kind of what I want to do, at least right now. And then “C” showed up. He contacted me online since he was in town doing some research and wanted to talk to me about Matt Shepard. For the record, I hate talking about Matt. I didn’t know him and there are about 100 stories about what happened and nobody will ever know what really happened. So, I met with “C” yesterday so he could interview me. I did his interview but I was kind of on the defense and closed off the entire time. Later he messaged me online and ended up asking me all about myself and then asking me out on a date. I was hesitant. I ended up doing something classically “Keith” and told him all about my feelings for “B” but he still wanted to go out and “get his shot.” Honestly, he was coming on way too strong and I was starting to feel a bit like some prize but I consented and said I would have lunch with him today. We agreed on a time and a place and he seemed very excited. I arrived at the restaurant exactly on time and realized I didn’t have my cell phone. I ALWAYS have my cell phone so I had a mini panic attack but decided to go in and wait. Since it was a first date with a stranger I decided to not get a table until he showed up, which proved to be a smart move. I waited about 5 minutes then decided to go to my car and see if for some reason my phone was there even though I knew it was at home sitting on my bed, exactly where I left it that morning. I dawdled in my car for a few minutes then checked the restaurant again – still not there. Now all sorts of things were going through my head since I didn’t have my phone. Maybe he called to cancel or reschedule or maybe he’s running late and since I don’t have my phone I’ll never know! Ah! So, I made the decision to run home and get my phone since I had waited 15 minutes and he wasn’t there. I rushed home, found my phone exactly where I left it and… nothing. No messages, no explanation. Huh… So, I called him to say that I didn’t see him at the restaurant and that I ran home to get my phone. Then like a chump I went back to the restaurant. At this point it was pretty clear to everyone there that I had been stood up but I waited. Finally, after 30 minutes I went home to eat leftovers with my dog. Oddly enough, that was exactly what I wanted to do all along. So, now it’s been almost 5 hours and still no phone call, no text message, no email, nothing to explain why he would try so hard to get this date and then just not show up. Oh, and he’s going to be going to school here next semester so I’m sure to run into him again at some point. Insanity.
Just a reminder, I love hearing from people reading this junk. Leave a comment at the end or send me an email! I live for that sort of thing! ;)
Just a reminder, I love hearing from people reading this junk. Leave a comment at the end or send me an email! I live for that sort of thing! ;)
Monday, November 17, 2008
When There Are No Words Left
I haven’t written a blog in a while. I guess what’s left to say after my last blog? Good question. Let’s find out, shall we?
Since the departure of my Canadian, I’ve been having a little trouble picking up where my life left off before he was here. I’ve never really experienced anything that intense before and I’m not really sure what to do about it. Do I continue dating? Do I wait for “something” to happen? Do I randomly move to Canada? He read my sappy blog post about him and wrote me the sweetest email. Basically, he feels the same way but is just as much at a loss as to what to do about it. For now we agreed it would be insane and premature to make any sort of commitment to each other but we can’t dismiss what happened either. He’ll be moving somewhere in March, so I guess we will see where he lands. This might just be the reason I’ve been looking for to leave Wyoming. If it just happens to work out that in the next year we both get jobs in the same city then that will be the answer we were looking for. If not, then we can still meet up every now and then and stay in contact and see what happens in the future. We’re meeting up in San Francisco right after Christmas to spend a few days together. I’m pretty excited about that!
I am officially ruined as far as concerts go. I saw Madonna live last Wednesday and I can now say that I will probably never be able to watch another concert and not compare it to that one. The show included a car, a Ukrainian band, more dancers than you can imagine, a mobile dj platform, huge screens, stuff coming from up the stage, stuff coming from above, a grand piano, a 30 foot treadmill… it was pretty much awesome! Since I can’t properly describe the awesome-ness of this concert I’ll just include the set list and one of the video interludes.
Intro/Candy Shop
Beat Goes On
Human Nature
Vogue
Video Interlude - Die Another Day
Into The Groove
Heartbeat
Borderline
She’s Not Me
Music
Video Interlude - Rain/Here Comes The Rain Again
Devil Wouldn’t Recognize You
Spanish Lesson
Miles Away
La Isla Bonita/Lela Pala Tute
Doli Doli (Live interlude - Romanian folk song)
You Must Love Me
Video Interlude - Get Stupid (About saving the planet)
4 Minutes
Like A Prayer
Ray Of Light
Hung Up
Give It To Me (Finale)
On Saturday protests spontaneously took place in over 300 cities across the country and around the world in response to the passage of Prop. 8 in California. I realize that the voters of California legally decided as a group to deny marriage rights to same sex couples but that still sucks. They legally had this right under California constitution and voters stripped it away. I honestly don’t see what is so threatening about two people of the same sex getting married. It doesn’t in any way harm or lessens heterosexual marriages. Many people argue that this would be “redefining” marriage. Is that really such a bad thing or so unusual? Marriage was once defined as gaining of ownership of a woman. It was also once defined to deny marriage to African American’s and interracial couples. Marriage is the union of two souls that love each other. Does it matter what form that love takes? And is it really better that gay couples simply live together unmarried? I think it’s ironic that the Mormons were so against this when Utah was originally founded so they could have polygamous marriages. Basically, what they are saying is that it’s ok for them to have 9 wives but gay people can’t have one. Yeah, that’s fair. In many ways I think it was actually a good thing that Prop 8 passed. The gay community is starting to unify and people are starting to talk about this issue. Heck, if we can get 30 people out in Laramie, Wyoming to protest a law passed in California then that’s pretty amazing. While we were out on the street corner with our signs a gay couple drove past and then stopped to join us. They had been together for 28 years. They deserve the right to be married legally.
I finally got my “thanks but no thanks” letter from that job in Colorado Springs. It’s just as well. I don’t really think that’s the best place for me and I can’t really move until this summer anyway. At this very minute (as I’m writing this blog) I am also writing a job description for the work I’ve been doing for the last five months. It seems nobody knows what the “digital manager” does. My old boss was sort of an island and just did his thing without anyone else really understanding what he did. Except, I knew and I’ve been doing it since he left. I’ve been patiently waiting to either be hired to do his job or to pass on my knowledge to someone new. It turns out they’ve been having such a hard time replacing him since nobody knew what they were replacing and nobody thought to ask the one person that does know. So, here I sit… writing a description of what I’ve been doing for months so that they can hire someone that probably won’t even be me. It’s just as well. This spring I’m going to get serious about leaving and realistically I should be able to go somewhere new after my lease is up in June.
So, here is to new beginnings! Cheers!
Since the departure of my Canadian, I’ve been having a little trouble picking up where my life left off before he was here. I’ve never really experienced anything that intense before and I’m not really sure what to do about it. Do I continue dating? Do I wait for “something” to happen? Do I randomly move to Canada? He read my sappy blog post about him and wrote me the sweetest email. Basically, he feels the same way but is just as much at a loss as to what to do about it. For now we agreed it would be insane and premature to make any sort of commitment to each other but we can’t dismiss what happened either. He’ll be moving somewhere in March, so I guess we will see where he lands. This might just be the reason I’ve been looking for to leave Wyoming. If it just happens to work out that in the next year we both get jobs in the same city then that will be the answer we were looking for. If not, then we can still meet up every now and then and stay in contact and see what happens in the future. We’re meeting up in San Francisco right after Christmas to spend a few days together. I’m pretty excited about that!
I am officially ruined as far as concerts go. I saw Madonna live last Wednesday and I can now say that I will probably never be able to watch another concert and not compare it to that one. The show included a car, a Ukrainian band, more dancers than you can imagine, a mobile dj platform, huge screens, stuff coming from up the stage, stuff coming from above, a grand piano, a 30 foot treadmill… it was pretty much awesome! Since I can’t properly describe the awesome-ness of this concert I’ll just include the set list and one of the video interludes.
Intro/Candy Shop
Beat Goes On
Human Nature
Vogue
Video Interlude - Die Another Day
Into The Groove
Heartbeat
Borderline
She’s Not Me
Music
Video Interlude - Rain/Here Comes The Rain Again
Devil Wouldn’t Recognize You
Spanish Lesson
Miles Away
La Isla Bonita/Lela Pala Tute
Doli Doli (Live interlude - Romanian folk song)
You Must Love Me
Video Interlude - Get Stupid (About saving the planet)
4 Minutes
Like A Prayer
Ray Of Light
Hung Up
Give It To Me (Finale)
On Saturday protests spontaneously took place in over 300 cities across the country and around the world in response to the passage of Prop. 8 in California. I realize that the voters of California legally decided as a group to deny marriage rights to same sex couples but that still sucks. They legally had this right under California constitution and voters stripped it away. I honestly don’t see what is so threatening about two people of the same sex getting married. It doesn’t in any way harm or lessens heterosexual marriages. Many people argue that this would be “redefining” marriage. Is that really such a bad thing or so unusual? Marriage was once defined as gaining of ownership of a woman. It was also once defined to deny marriage to African American’s and interracial couples. Marriage is the union of two souls that love each other. Does it matter what form that love takes? And is it really better that gay couples simply live together unmarried? I think it’s ironic that the Mormons were so against this when Utah was originally founded so they could have polygamous marriages. Basically, what they are saying is that it’s ok for them to have 9 wives but gay people can’t have one. Yeah, that’s fair. In many ways I think it was actually a good thing that Prop 8 passed. The gay community is starting to unify and people are starting to talk about this issue. Heck, if we can get 30 people out in Laramie, Wyoming to protest a law passed in California then that’s pretty amazing. While we were out on the street corner with our signs a gay couple drove past and then stopped to join us. They had been together for 28 years. They deserve the right to be married legally.
I finally got my “thanks but no thanks” letter from that job in Colorado Springs. It’s just as well. I don’t really think that’s the best place for me and I can’t really move until this summer anyway. At this very minute (as I’m writing this blog) I am also writing a job description for the work I’ve been doing for the last five months. It seems nobody knows what the “digital manager” does. My old boss was sort of an island and just did his thing without anyone else really understanding what he did. Except, I knew and I’ve been doing it since he left. I’ve been patiently waiting to either be hired to do his job or to pass on my knowledge to someone new. It turns out they’ve been having such a hard time replacing him since nobody knew what they were replacing and nobody thought to ask the one person that does know. So, here I sit… writing a description of what I’ve been doing for months so that they can hire someone that probably won’t even be me. It’s just as well. This spring I’m going to get serious about leaving and realistically I should be able to go somewhere new after my lease is up in June.
So, here is to new beginnings! Cheers!
Monday, November 10, 2008
Friday, November 7, 2008
Did That Really Happen?
One of my favorite series is The Chronicles of Narnia. I’ve been reading the books from this series over and over since I was about 10 years old. One of my favorite parts is when the children return to their normal lives in England after being kings and queens in Narnia. They lived out lives as royalty only to step back through a wardrobe to find that no time has passed at all. It’s always bothered me that they were simply able to move on with their lives and continue being children after fighting battles and providing leadership for an entire kingdom but I think I understand now. They knew they would get to go back. They knew there would be more. They had the promise of brighter days in the future. Sometimes when things are good enough, that promise is enough to sustain you. The simple memory of who you were (even for a short time) is sometimes enough to allow you move on in a life that suddenly seems foreign to you.
The last 3 days have been so powerful and eventful for me that I feel like I just stepped through a wardrobe and back into my old life after living in an entirely different world for a few days.
I’m going to start with the election. Wow, I didn’t think I would see this day. Obama being elected was sort of a shock for me. I never once allowed myself to imagine even the possibility that he could actually win. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever wanted something to happen so badly in my entire life and so I purposely guarded myself against the disappointment of it not happening. When CNN called the election for Obama I was actually surprised. I couldn’t believe it was actually happening and that he had such a commanding lead that they could call it at 9:00. I imagined it would come down to the wire and that I would be up half the night waiting. McCain’s concession speech was very classy and thoughtful. I think it’s one of the few times in the last few months that his true personality has had a chance to shine past his campaign organizers and it reminded me that when this all began I decided that McCain wasn’t so bad. He really does care about this country and wanted what was best for us. I was impressed with McCain’s concession speech and then Obama took the stage in Chicago with Michelle and his two daughters and I just lost it. The tears started streaming down my cheeks. What a beautiful, intelligent family. Obama’s speech was amazing and I have never been more excited about the future. And then I felt something else, something I haven’t felt for years – pride. Pride in my country, pride in my president, just pride in general. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those people that hates America. For all of our faults and problems, this is still an amazing country. It’s just been a long time since I felt like we were on the right track and moving forward with a leader that had the interest of ALL of his people at heart.
“If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer. It's the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and churches in numbers this nation has never seen, by people who waited three hours and four hours, many for the first time in their lives, because they believed that this time must be different, that their voices could be that difference. It's the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled. Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been just a collection of individuals or a collection of red states and blue states. We are, and always will be, the United States of America.” Barack Obama’s Acceptance Speech, November 5, 2008.
Obama is going to have an exceptionally difficult presidency since just being average is out of the question for him. He must be exceptional since everyone expects nothing less than for him to change the world. I believe he can do it though. I’m not going to write about any of the ballet initiatives this time since I want this to be a happy blog.
I had company for the election results this year. I’m still reeling from this experience and trying to figure out what happened. It was wonderful, just very confusing.
Last May I presented at a conference in New York. I randomly found out about the conference a week before the proposals were due and managed to put something together and submit it the same day they were due. I was accepted to speak as part of a panel and I made plans to fly to the big city all by myself. I got there, I did my thing and after my talk I was approached by this cute guy who seemed to be nervous. He introduced himself and we chatted for a few minutes and then he made some comment about how he planned on going to an art show and then another presentation and then sort of half suggested getting a drink at some point. I didn’t get that he was asking me out at the time. After I got back to Wyoming he contacted me and we started corresponding through email. I always look forward to getting a note from him. He’s an author, a teacher, an activist, and just an all around great guy. He had been planning a trip to Laramie for years to do research at the AHC and he finally made the trip here. I picked him up at the airport, we had a nice chat on the drive home and stopped for some “Colorado style” pizza in Fort Collins. I was my usual awkward self and didn’t really know what was happening. Was this a date? How could it be a date? We live in different countries. (Oh, did I mention he’s Canadian?) The conversation flowed and it was like discovering your long lost twin. By the next day my defenses were completely down. All of them… and there are a lot. Some of my walls are put up just to see if there is anyone strong enough to break them down, many are products of a past life lived in secrecy, and many are defenses I’ve built to keep from getting hurt again. But it didn’t matter, without even trying, he completely disarmed me in less than a day. I would say that we have a lot in common, since we do – but it was more than that. We just fit together like a key in a lock – two very different items but both equally important and compliment each other perfectly. He slipped into my life so seamlessly that it was as if he had always been there and I couldn’t imagine or really even remember a time when he wasn’t. He was only here for three days but if felt like a lifetime. I’m not sure what to do or say at this point. I’m not sure if this story is over or not. I know I’ll see him again but I don’t know that we will ever have more than what we had this week. Somehow I’m ok with that though. If given the chance I would snatch him up and keep him forever but even if I don’t ever get that chance I’ll always have the time we spent together. Pizza in Colorado, wrangling Sasha, leftovers on my lunch break, a presentation on campus, two weepy old queens sitting on the couch as history is made, the best steak dinner date I’ve ever been on, cuddling, movies, a drive to the airport, a kiss goodbye and not having to care who was looking, watching him as he went through airport security, going back to my car alone, and fighting tears the entire drive home. But the tears never came and they no longer threaten me today. The entire experience has given me hope. If two kindred souls can randomly find each other in this huge world and share a connection this deep in such a short amount of time, then that’s pretty awesome. Who cares what the next chapter is, it’s bound to unfold exactly as it should. Today I’m just going to be happy and hopeful and look forward to the days to come.
The last 3 days have been so powerful and eventful for me that I feel like I just stepped through a wardrobe and back into my old life after living in an entirely different world for a few days.
I’m going to start with the election. Wow, I didn’t think I would see this day. Obama being elected was sort of a shock for me. I never once allowed myself to imagine even the possibility that he could actually win. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever wanted something to happen so badly in my entire life and so I purposely guarded myself against the disappointment of it not happening. When CNN called the election for Obama I was actually surprised. I couldn’t believe it was actually happening and that he had such a commanding lead that they could call it at 9:00. I imagined it would come down to the wire and that I would be up half the night waiting. McCain’s concession speech was very classy and thoughtful. I think it’s one of the few times in the last few months that his true personality has had a chance to shine past his campaign organizers and it reminded me that when this all began I decided that McCain wasn’t so bad. He really does care about this country and wanted what was best for us. I was impressed with McCain’s concession speech and then Obama took the stage in Chicago with Michelle and his two daughters and I just lost it. The tears started streaming down my cheeks. What a beautiful, intelligent family. Obama’s speech was amazing and I have never been more excited about the future. And then I felt something else, something I haven’t felt for years – pride. Pride in my country, pride in my president, just pride in general. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those people that hates America. For all of our faults and problems, this is still an amazing country. It’s just been a long time since I felt like we were on the right track and moving forward with a leader that had the interest of ALL of his people at heart.
“If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer. It's the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and churches in numbers this nation has never seen, by people who waited three hours and four hours, many for the first time in their lives, because they believed that this time must be different, that their voices could be that difference. It's the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled. Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been just a collection of individuals or a collection of red states and blue states. We are, and always will be, the United States of America.” Barack Obama’s Acceptance Speech, November 5, 2008.
Obama is going to have an exceptionally difficult presidency since just being average is out of the question for him. He must be exceptional since everyone expects nothing less than for him to change the world. I believe he can do it though. I’m not going to write about any of the ballet initiatives this time since I want this to be a happy blog.
I had company for the election results this year. I’m still reeling from this experience and trying to figure out what happened. It was wonderful, just very confusing.
Last May I presented at a conference in New York. I randomly found out about the conference a week before the proposals were due and managed to put something together and submit it the same day they were due. I was accepted to speak as part of a panel and I made plans to fly to the big city all by myself. I got there, I did my thing and after my talk I was approached by this cute guy who seemed to be nervous. He introduced himself and we chatted for a few minutes and then he made some comment about how he planned on going to an art show and then another presentation and then sort of half suggested getting a drink at some point. I didn’t get that he was asking me out at the time. After I got back to Wyoming he contacted me and we started corresponding through email. I always look forward to getting a note from him. He’s an author, a teacher, an activist, and just an all around great guy. He had been planning a trip to Laramie for years to do research at the AHC and he finally made the trip here. I picked him up at the airport, we had a nice chat on the drive home and stopped for some “Colorado style” pizza in Fort Collins. I was my usual awkward self and didn’t really know what was happening. Was this a date? How could it be a date? We live in different countries. (Oh, did I mention he’s Canadian?) The conversation flowed and it was like discovering your long lost twin. By the next day my defenses were completely down. All of them… and there are a lot. Some of my walls are put up just to see if there is anyone strong enough to break them down, many are products of a past life lived in secrecy, and many are defenses I’ve built to keep from getting hurt again. But it didn’t matter, without even trying, he completely disarmed me in less than a day. I would say that we have a lot in common, since we do – but it was more than that. We just fit together like a key in a lock – two very different items but both equally important and compliment each other perfectly. He slipped into my life so seamlessly that it was as if he had always been there and I couldn’t imagine or really even remember a time when he wasn’t. He was only here for three days but if felt like a lifetime. I’m not sure what to do or say at this point. I’m not sure if this story is over or not. I know I’ll see him again but I don’t know that we will ever have more than what we had this week. Somehow I’m ok with that though. If given the chance I would snatch him up and keep him forever but even if I don’t ever get that chance I’ll always have the time we spent together. Pizza in Colorado, wrangling Sasha, leftovers on my lunch break, a presentation on campus, two weepy old queens sitting on the couch as history is made, the best steak dinner date I’ve ever been on, cuddling, movies, a drive to the airport, a kiss goodbye and not having to care who was looking, watching him as he went through airport security, going back to my car alone, and fighting tears the entire drive home. But the tears never came and they no longer threaten me today. The entire experience has given me hope. If two kindred souls can randomly find each other in this huge world and share a connection this deep in such a short amount of time, then that’s pretty awesome. Who cares what the next chapter is, it’s bound to unfold exactly as it should. Today I’m just going to be happy and hopeful and look forward to the days to come.
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