Breathing Again

I was at home Friday after work. It was about 6:00 and my phone rang. I recognized the number as being an NAU number. I had a mini panic attack and opted to not answer. I knew it was someone calling about the job I interviewed for and I knew they wouldn't call at 6:00 on a Friday if it was good news. A job offer would have come earlier in the week. It was kind of a chicken move but I was right. She left a voice mail saying they had offered the job to another candidate and that they had accepted. She went on to say lots of very kind things about meeting me and the interview. I had prepared myself for the worst and the best without really deciding what that meant. I instantly felt a wave of relief since it sucks to be stuck in limbo for two months not knowing where you'll be living come June. But then I was oddly sad. I'm not sure I wanted the job and I certainly didn't want to decline the job but I sill kind of wanted to be given the option and for them to want me. I should just leave it at that. I learned so much from the interview process and I feel really great about getting as far as I did in such a competitive position. But it's hard to not have thoughts like: "why didn't they want me?" or "what did I do wrong in my interview?" None of that is productive though.

So, here I am. There are worse places. It's almost spring and now I'm better prepared and know more about what I want out of a job. Honestly, I think I would have been bored in that position and left within two years. They might have suspected as much.

Now I don't have to worry about moving. I have a beautiful summer to look forward to. I can finish this semester and my last summer class without the pressure of having a job riding on it.

I'm relieved and feel like I can easily manage to finish this semester. Utah is coming this weekend, so it will be nice to see him. Just a couple weeks of classes left then I can relax for a few weeks before starting my LAST class!

To let loose,
to let free,
to breathe in,
to breathe out.

Peace out.

Hot Mess

I call a do-over for today. I'm tired and crabby and I didn't sleep well last night. Also, whiny. I have roughly 10 days to complete nearly everything for my classes. It's going to be rough, but I think it will happen. The horrible one credit field class of death is coming along-ish. My internship should be done this week, possibly tonight if I get my rear in gear. My three credit readings class is rolling right along. Just two books left to review and some sort of assessment paragraph thingy to prove that I learned something. Wow, now that I outline everything it seems like I might actually survive this semester after all!

Work has been rough this week. Not because I'm busy but because I took the end of last week off and it's hard to build up momentum for some reason. I'm not sure I got anything done yesterday. I ended up leaving early to do homework but even that didn't work out quite like I planned and I wasted most of 2 hours doing who-knows-what. We have a long pointless meeting this afternoon, so that's going to kind of ruin any momentum from this morning. Oh well.

Still no word from NAU. It's been 2 1/2 weeks since they made their decision. They said it would be 2-3 weeks before I heard anything. So... that means any day. I know they had to do a background check first. Still no decision on what I will actually do if they offer. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

The boyfriend is doing well. Actually, things are pretty darn good with us right now. I wish we didn't have to wait so long between trips to see each other and I'm really worried about us both running out of vacation time... but I'm confident something will work out. I have no idea what, or how, or when... but I'm staying optimistic.

I had so much fun last weekend. I helped with a Gay Straight Alliance (GSA) summit and met some amazing high school students. Then I went to a big gay dance Friday night. I wish I didn't have to go alone but I had a ton of fun with my friends. I had no idea how MIA I've been. The running theme of the evening was "where have you been?! I haven't seen you in forever!" I had a couple of beers (something I haven't done in a month or so) and danced my little heart out with my friends. I needed that. It's been ages since I went out or did anything even remotely social.

Ok, well this didn't say anything but I still wanted to write it. I'm off to eat my scrumptious Greek yogurt now. Mango today. Mmm...

A Little Update-y

I seem to have recovered from the cold/ plague that I had all last week. I'm still a little stuffy but not bad. This week has been oddly productive. I seem to have found the magical time that I'm most productive and started to make use of it. It seems if I leave work at 3:30 or 4:00 and go to the library I can work nonstop until I get hungry at about 7:00ish. Too bad I'm going to be busy with the Shepard Symposium/ GSA Summit Thursday and Friday night and unable to take advantage of my magical productivity time! But tonight, oh yes... tonight I will be doing SOOO much homework!

Still no word from Arizona. It should be the end of this week or sometime next week before I hear anything at all. I'm still totally unsure if they are going to make an offer and I'm even less sure if I would accept the offer. Ultimately, I would accept the offer because it pays more... not because I would love the job significanly more than my current job or the town more than where I currently live. It's hard to put a price on what it is worth to have to move away from everyone I know. But... I also don't really want to stay where I'm at indefinatly and jobs like this don't come along often. Tricky.

Things are still going well with Utah. I miss him terribly, which surprises me for some reason. I don't know why that should surprise me. I guess it's the amount that I miss him that surprises me, not the fact that I miss him at all. He's going to come to visit in a couple weeks and I think I'll go to Salt Lake City again toward the end of the month. I really wish we could figure out a way to be closer.

Busy week with finishing up homework and projects. Lots of stuff going on this weekend. Should be fun and exciting!