Someone I work with asked me if I was ok this morning. I replied that I was fine. Then she said that I looked tired and like I didn’t want to be at work. Uhhh… yeah? And? Wait, it’s not normal for someone to drag their ass to work 10 minutes late every day and then be tired and bored for roughly 8 hours before eventually fleeing the building?! Hmm… weird. Maybe I should look into that.
I had a nice chat with a friend the other day. She got all serious on me and told me it was time for me to move on. There is nothing left for me here and I’m wasted on this town. I tend to agree but knowing that and actually finding a practical way to leave are two very different things. I sent a job application to a pretty cool art school the other day. It was a general application that they will match with the 20-some jobs they have open in 3 different cities. I’m hoping to be matched with a job in Denver but I don’t think I would complain if I were offered a job in Chicago or San Francisco, provided I made enough to be able to live in one of those places.
Here is a secret confession… I find jobs in places I would like to live, I fill out the application, I put together a C.V. and a cover letter and then I just sit on them. I never actually mail them off. I’ve done this with maybe 10-20 jobs in the last year or so. The art school ap was the first exception in a very long time. It felt good, even if nothing comes from it.
When I moved here, it was so simple. I literally just threw some stuff in my 4-Runner and showed up in town. I crashed with some friends for a few months, I looked for and found a job, and eventually I started grad school and moved into a very nice apartment with a good friend. Sure, I was broke for months and it was pretty scary finding a job… but I managed just fine. I’m not sure what the difference is now. I have more stuff, but that is manageable. I have a dog, but she can travel. I have more bills, but I can handle them.
My friend told me something that I’ve given a lot of thought. She said I am afraid of the unknown. Moving is an unknown. It is something that I can’t visualize. She said I have somehow lost the ability to see possibility and that I’m only seeing what is in front of me. She’s probably right. She then went on to list all of these qualities that she sees in me that I take for granted. It helped somehow. I guess I’ll figure out what’s next when the time comes. I just need to keep pushing myself.
On the home front – things are pretty good. I really like living with the Czech. We removed all the wallpaper from my room last Sunday. I started by ripping down the two outermost layers and then we steamed the bottom 2-3 layers off. It was actually kind of fun! We were sort of arguing over whose turn it was to use the steamer since we both enjoyed using it so much. In the end I let him have his fun toy and I went to the kitchen to make potato salad. Meals there are always very nice and civilized. We take turns cooking and it’s always good food. Then we sit at the kitchen table to eat. Sometimes we chat, sometimes we listen to classical music on NPR, and sometimes we eat in silence. It’s often very Desperate Housewives-ish. The other night I got home and couldn’t think of something to make for dinner, he was sanding the bathroom floor, and I couldn’t really face the thought of one more “perfect” meal so I told him I was having dinner with a friend and then went to Sonic and devoured a nasty chili cheese dog in my car as fast as I was able. I felt like some deranged housewife that escaped from Wisteria Lane and as if I should have been wearing big dark sunglasses and a shawl over my head. But other than that brief freak out things are going well. I’m not sure how long I’ll want to ultimately stay there but I’m giving myself until November as a deadline. Why November? I dunno. Winter sucks?
So, I guess that’s about all I have to report other than one thing. I’m developing a bit of a crush on someone in Denver. He seems perfect and I’ve known him for months but I’ve managed to keep from developing any feelings for him until very recently. It was actually an email that pushed me over the edge. I don’t remember what he even said in it… but somehow… *boom!* feelings. Sigh… Don’t get me wrong, it’s great and I really don’t think I could have hand picked a better guy to have a crush on… but I can’t do long distance again and I flat out refuse to move for a guy. It’s a good thing I was planning on going that direction anyway. It kind of makes me feel like things are falling into place and that kind of scares me. Sheesh… how fucked up am I?! :-P
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
Random Friday Evening Musings
This has to be right up there on the list of generally awesome things:
Incidentally, I want my wedding to be choreographed by Mia Michaels. If you don't know who that is then you don't get to be in my wedding. (Don't worry, I'm at least a few years away so you have time to google her.) ;-)
I've been a sick puppy lately. I'm reasonably sure it's a new strain of swine flu passed on through trees. I'm creatively calling it "tree flu." In reality it was probably just a bad cold. I missed work for at least half the week so I stayed home, napped, ate soup and drank tea that I couldn't taste, and watched episodes of Torchwood on my laptop. Oh, and if you don't know Torchwood then you don't get to be in my wedding either. ;-) I'm feeling better now and have been able to randomly smell and taste things throughout the day so I hope to have all of my senses returned to me by tomorrow. (Or at least whatever sense I had before getting the plague.)
In other news: I bought a bike. My roommate put it together for me last night. I would say that he helped me but it would probably be a stretch to say that I even helped him. I'm reasonably handy but apparently "bike assembly" is not going on my list of manly things I'm able to do. I was going to name my bike Stella. I'm not sure why... but now I've decided my bike is a boy so it's name isn't Stella. Again, not sure why I think my bike is a boy.
Um... I guess that's all I can think of right now. I'm probably forgetting something but that's ok. I'm including some more videos. The first is a song/ musician I just decided that I like. The second is part of why I love Torchwood. Enjoy!
Incidentally, the actor that plays Captain Jack Harkness is actually gay. It makes me happy to see gay characters on TV that aren't stereotypes and even happier to see them being played by gay actors!
Incidentally, I want my wedding to be choreographed by Mia Michaels. If you don't know who that is then you don't get to be in my wedding. (Don't worry, I'm at least a few years away so you have time to google her.) ;-)
I've been a sick puppy lately. I'm reasonably sure it's a new strain of swine flu passed on through trees. I'm creatively calling it "tree flu." In reality it was probably just a bad cold. I missed work for at least half the week so I stayed home, napped, ate soup and drank tea that I couldn't taste, and watched episodes of Torchwood on my laptop. Oh, and if you don't know Torchwood then you don't get to be in my wedding either. ;-) I'm feeling better now and have been able to randomly smell and taste things throughout the day so I hope to have all of my senses returned to me by tomorrow. (Or at least whatever sense I had before getting the plague.)
In other news: I bought a bike. My roommate put it together for me last night. I would say that he helped me but it would probably be a stretch to say that I even helped him. I'm reasonably handy but apparently "bike assembly" is not going on my list of manly things I'm able to do. I was going to name my bike Stella. I'm not sure why... but now I've decided my bike is a boy so it's name isn't Stella. Again, not sure why I think my bike is a boy.
Um... I guess that's all I can think of right now. I'm probably forgetting something but that's ok. I'm including some more videos. The first is a song/ musician I just decided that I like. The second is part of why I love Torchwood. Enjoy!
Incidentally, the actor that plays Captain Jack Harkness is actually gay. It makes me happy to see gay characters on TV that aren't stereotypes and even happier to see them being played by gay actors!
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Cops and Czechs and Bears, Oh My!
This is at least the third time I’ve attempted to write this blog so I’m just going to chug my coffee and blast it out!
Living with the Czech has been pretty good so far. I really like simply not being alone all the time. Sure, maybe that’s lame… but whatever. I work in an isolated vault at work all day and like to go home to find a friendly face. Plus living with him is sort of forcing me to be a better person. I can’t do any of the embarrassing things I would do by myself like eat an entire bag of chips or consume nothing but mac and cheese for 3 days or watch 5 hours of Sex and the City reruns. We’re eating pretty healthy balanced meals, he silently guilted me into buying a bike, (he didn’t actually say anything, I was just feeling like a fat lazy American for driving to work when I could just as easily walk or ride a bike) and I’m getting up on time for work and haven’t really been late weeks. Plus it’s just fun living there! He decided to buy a grill last weekend. We both went to the store to look at them and he had been debating for some time between gas and charcoal. I could tell he wanted a charcoal grill but almost everyone told him gas was the way to go. After a little looking around he settled on a nice round charcoal grill and we took it home. He assembled the grill in the back yard while I mixed up some yum-tastic hamburger meat. (I make good burgers.) I stashed the burgers in the fridge and went out to help him start the coal. I read the instructions on the coal chimney thing to him and we seemed to be in business. It said 15-20 minutes… an hour later the coals were barely warm and there was a wisp of smoke coming off and nothing else. Three hours and three beers later we were stuffing dry pine cones under the chimney and toasting marshmallows on the resulting flames. Another hour and probably another beer later we had the burgers cooked (and they were amazing!) and we were marveling that we actually ate over a pound and a half of beef between the two of us. Then to top it all off we made smores. I’m not sure he had ever had a smore. (This was the big exception to that previous healthy eating statement!)
Then Sunday we met up with some buddies and went to Beer Bust at this leather/ bear bar in Denver. It wasn’t really my scene but I’m always happy to get out of town and I’m pretty good at fitting in at clubs and having fun no matter what. Our cop friend drove us and it was the Czech’s first time to a gay club in Denver so we came up with some rules and safety nets. We only had to text “code 11” to the rest of the group and where in the club we were and someone would come rescue us. I wasn’t worried about it but it made everyone else feel better. I’m the baby of the group and they all kind of think of me as their little brother. It’s kind of annoying but at the same time it’s sweet to have three guys looking out for you. It was $8 for a bottomless cup of beer. You just buy the cup and then people come around with pitchers and keep it full for you. Dangerous! After a few hours we were pretty much drunk so our cop friend rounded us up and took us to dinner. If you’re drunk you will do anything a cop tells you to do even if he’s not in uniform and he’s your friend! It was a fun trip!
I think I surprised my friends by being fairly outgoing and social. I met two other friends there, met new people, chatted, circulated, and had a great time. One friend I actually met there for the first time. We had been chatting for months and we both knew we would be good friends no matter what but it technically was the first time we had hung out in person. Sometimes you just meet someone and in a second you know you will be great friends. The other friend I met there was the same guy I spent the 4th with. It wasn’t a date and I’m thinking the 4th wasn’t either. It was nice to see him and we had fun together and then he left somewhat abruptly. I’m still not sure why. He’s great but I just don’t know him very well yet and I’m still afraid of a long distance relationship (or it’s more likely that I’m just afraid of a relationship and I use the long distance thing as an excuse). I’m not going to stress about it though. We’ll continue to see each other occasionally and see what happens. For what it's worth all my friends overwhelmingly liked him.
Moving out of my old apartment was probably the best decision I’ve made in years. I was stagnating there. Even though 90% of my stuff is in storage and I’m semi-homeless, I’m happier than I can remember being in quite some time. I was in my old apartment a few days after moving out to pick up my security deposit and I expected to have some sort of nostalgic feelings but I felt nothing. It was just a place that I kept my stuff for a while. Actually, I had just about the same amount of attachment that I would to a concrete storage unit. Somehow being disconnected from that place is encouraging me to move forward once again. I’m working on FINALLY finishing my stupid MA and I’m serious about finding a job in Denver now. I know I’ve said those things before, like 10,000 times… and I always meant it but I just couldn’t bring myself to do anything about it. Now I feel like I’m able and that’s a good feeling.
Living with the Czech has been pretty good so far. I really like simply not being alone all the time. Sure, maybe that’s lame… but whatever. I work in an isolated vault at work all day and like to go home to find a friendly face. Plus living with him is sort of forcing me to be a better person. I can’t do any of the embarrassing things I would do by myself like eat an entire bag of chips or consume nothing but mac and cheese for 3 days or watch 5 hours of Sex and the City reruns. We’re eating pretty healthy balanced meals, he silently guilted me into buying a bike, (he didn’t actually say anything, I was just feeling like a fat lazy American for driving to work when I could just as easily walk or ride a bike) and I’m getting up on time for work and haven’t really been late weeks. Plus it’s just fun living there! He decided to buy a grill last weekend. We both went to the store to look at them and he had been debating for some time between gas and charcoal. I could tell he wanted a charcoal grill but almost everyone told him gas was the way to go. After a little looking around he settled on a nice round charcoal grill and we took it home. He assembled the grill in the back yard while I mixed up some yum-tastic hamburger meat. (I make good burgers.) I stashed the burgers in the fridge and went out to help him start the coal. I read the instructions on the coal chimney thing to him and we seemed to be in business. It said 15-20 minutes… an hour later the coals were barely warm and there was a wisp of smoke coming off and nothing else. Three hours and three beers later we were stuffing dry pine cones under the chimney and toasting marshmallows on the resulting flames. Another hour and probably another beer later we had the burgers cooked (and they were amazing!) and we were marveling that we actually ate over a pound and a half of beef between the two of us. Then to top it all off we made smores. I’m not sure he had ever had a smore. (This was the big exception to that previous healthy eating statement!)
Then Sunday we met up with some buddies and went to Beer Bust at this leather/ bear bar in Denver. It wasn’t really my scene but I’m always happy to get out of town and I’m pretty good at fitting in at clubs and having fun no matter what. Our cop friend drove us and it was the Czech’s first time to a gay club in Denver so we came up with some rules and safety nets. We only had to text “code 11” to the rest of the group and where in the club we were and someone would come rescue us. I wasn’t worried about it but it made everyone else feel better. I’m the baby of the group and they all kind of think of me as their little brother. It’s kind of annoying but at the same time it’s sweet to have three guys looking out for you. It was $8 for a bottomless cup of beer. You just buy the cup and then people come around with pitchers and keep it full for you. Dangerous! After a few hours we were pretty much drunk so our cop friend rounded us up and took us to dinner. If you’re drunk you will do anything a cop tells you to do even if he’s not in uniform and he’s your friend! It was a fun trip!
I think I surprised my friends by being fairly outgoing and social. I met two other friends there, met new people, chatted, circulated, and had a great time. One friend I actually met there for the first time. We had been chatting for months and we both knew we would be good friends no matter what but it technically was the first time we had hung out in person. Sometimes you just meet someone and in a second you know you will be great friends. The other friend I met there was the same guy I spent the 4th with. It wasn’t a date and I’m thinking the 4th wasn’t either. It was nice to see him and we had fun together and then he left somewhat abruptly. I’m still not sure why. He’s great but I just don’t know him very well yet and I’m still afraid of a long distance relationship (or it’s more likely that I’m just afraid of a relationship and I use the long distance thing as an excuse). I’m not going to stress about it though. We’ll continue to see each other occasionally and see what happens. For what it's worth all my friends overwhelmingly liked him.
Moving out of my old apartment was probably the best decision I’ve made in years. I was stagnating there. Even though 90% of my stuff is in storage and I’m semi-homeless, I’m happier than I can remember being in quite some time. I was in my old apartment a few days after moving out to pick up my security deposit and I expected to have some sort of nostalgic feelings but I felt nothing. It was just a place that I kept my stuff for a while. Actually, I had just about the same amount of attachment that I would to a concrete storage unit. Somehow being disconnected from that place is encouraging me to move forward once again. I’m working on FINALLY finishing my stupid MA and I’m serious about finding a job in Denver now. I know I’ve said those things before, like 10,000 times… and I always meant it but I just couldn’t bring myself to do anything about it. Now I feel like I’m able and that’s a good feeling.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Breakfast, Sideways Glances, and Dinner
I’m going to write this in reverse order since I’m currently sitting in the living room smelling amazing smells coming from the kitchen. It seems my new roommate and I are taking turns cooking dinner and it’s his night. I made a stir fry last night that he deemed “excellent,” high praise from someone that doesn’t give unwarranted compliments. He’s a great cook, probably even better than me. His father was recently here and when asked what he thought of a meal that I thought was great, he replied; “it was... warm-ish.” Just an example of what he’s used to in terms of honesty in compliments. I think he said he’s making arroz con pollo. At this point I would happily eat anything since I’m starving!
Yoga class was great tonight. Some practices are somehow a lot better than others. After, I took a much needed shower (I sweat a LOT in yoga practice) and then I took the monster dog for a walk. On my way into the gym I noticed a guy I had never seen before. (In this town it’s actually possible to know when you are encountering someone you’ve never seen before.) He was kinda cute and walking toward me, so I sort of made eye contact – mostly because he happened to be in my line of sight and it would have actually been rude not to. Surprisingly, he made eye contact back and smiled. Whoh, what? So, I looked away and thought… well that was weird so I turned back just in time to see him turn back to see me turning back to look at him and this time we both smiled. I chuckled to myself and continued walking. In the “real” world at this point I probably should have stopped and said hello but it was so unexpected that I just walked on. Course, I clearly suck at actually getting from the point of meeting someone to the point of actually asking them out. I gots no game.
Work today was brutal. Actually, it has been all week. Not because I’m busy. I am bored to tears. I actually have things to do but they are the same old boring things I’ve been doing for 4 years and have been bored with for just about as long. That’s not good. I was walking through the stairwell, probably after checking my empty mailbox for the 100th time, and realized there really wasn’t a single job in that building that I would want to do for more than a couple weeks. Worse yet, the few jobs I would want are basically off limits unless I would actually have to quit, leave, start a new degree, and then apply for some position that happens to open up in 2-3 years. I think this is the actual definition of a dead end job.
It’s funny… I feel like I have everything I should want out of life right now but in all the wrong ways. My job seems cool and I love telling people about it… it’s just the actual doing of the job that makes me want to pluck my eyes out with olive forks. I’m living in a cute little house with a literal white picket fence with a guy that brings me breakfast in the morning. True story, I forgot my breakfast today and he actually noticed when he left for work and brought it to me. Ok, that’s just about the coolest thing ever. The ladies in my office were totally jealous. But… he’s not mine. The house isn’t mine. I’m a guest here. When we go out and seem like the cute gay couple walking the cute dog… all lies. We aren’t a couple and the dog is a pain is crazy. It’s like I’m living in someone else’s life and nothing quite fits. It’s all great stuff… but it’s not for me. I feel like an imposter. I wonder who has my life.
Time for re-evaluations. What sort of job would make me happy? Where should I go and what should I do to capture that ever elusive partner or dare I even say husband. And then… would I even be happy. I’m terrified that I’m just a complainer and will never be satisfied with what I have.
But… for now dinner is ready and it smells great and I am happy living in this house right now. Something more permanent will come later. I just have to have faith. See, I'm not all gloom and doom. ;-)
Yoga class was great tonight. Some practices are somehow a lot better than others. After, I took a much needed shower (I sweat a LOT in yoga practice) and then I took the monster dog for a walk. On my way into the gym I noticed a guy I had never seen before. (In this town it’s actually possible to know when you are encountering someone you’ve never seen before.) He was kinda cute and walking toward me, so I sort of made eye contact – mostly because he happened to be in my line of sight and it would have actually been rude not to. Surprisingly, he made eye contact back and smiled. Whoh, what? So, I looked away and thought… well that was weird so I turned back just in time to see him turn back to see me turning back to look at him and this time we both smiled. I chuckled to myself and continued walking. In the “real” world at this point I probably should have stopped and said hello but it was so unexpected that I just walked on. Course, I clearly suck at actually getting from the point of meeting someone to the point of actually asking them out. I gots no game.
Work today was brutal. Actually, it has been all week. Not because I’m busy. I am bored to tears. I actually have things to do but they are the same old boring things I’ve been doing for 4 years and have been bored with for just about as long. That’s not good. I was walking through the stairwell, probably after checking my empty mailbox for the 100th time, and realized there really wasn’t a single job in that building that I would want to do for more than a couple weeks. Worse yet, the few jobs I would want are basically off limits unless I would actually have to quit, leave, start a new degree, and then apply for some position that happens to open up in 2-3 years. I think this is the actual definition of a dead end job.
It’s funny… I feel like I have everything I should want out of life right now but in all the wrong ways. My job seems cool and I love telling people about it… it’s just the actual doing of the job that makes me want to pluck my eyes out with olive forks. I’m living in a cute little house with a literal white picket fence with a guy that brings me breakfast in the morning. True story, I forgot my breakfast today and he actually noticed when he left for work and brought it to me. Ok, that’s just about the coolest thing ever. The ladies in my office were totally jealous. But… he’s not mine. The house isn’t mine. I’m a guest here. When we go out and seem like the cute gay couple walking the cute dog… all lies. We aren’t a couple and the dog is a pain is crazy. It’s like I’m living in someone else’s life and nothing quite fits. It’s all great stuff… but it’s not for me. I feel like an imposter. I wonder who has my life.
Time for re-evaluations. What sort of job would make me happy? Where should I go and what should I do to capture that ever elusive partner or dare I even say husband. And then… would I even be happy. I’m terrified that I’m just a complainer and will never be satisfied with what I have.
But… for now dinner is ready and it smells great and I am happy living in this house right now. Something more permanent will come later. I just have to have faith. See, I'm not all gloom and doom. ;-)
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Arg!
I just want someone to tell me what to do! I'm not sure how long I'm able to live where I'm currently at and I hate not knowing where I'll be living in a month. I just want to be able to say: "this is my address." So, since my current living situation is probably temporary I've been looking for a new place of my own and I've come to the following conclusions: 1) even though I got a raise and have nearly $100 more a month to spend on housing I'm still pretty much going to be poor, 2) living above ground costs a LOT more than a basement apartment and I'm not going back underground, 3) everyone in town owns a dog but only a few people will rent to a dog owner and there is usually some sort of insanely high additional fee, 4) to avoid being totally poor I need to find a roommate, 5) roommates can be scary. I was waiting to look at a crazy-cheap 3 bedroom house but it was rented before it was even available. Lame. Yesterday I looked at this GREAT 2 bedroom Victorian but it's like $1000+ a month and my poor little pay check can't handle that without a roommate. At the moment I can't think of a single person that needs a place and that I would want to live with. Lame. Also yesterday, I was contacted through craigslist by someone renting a 2 bedroom furnished house. (I posted an add looking for housing.) I replied that I have too much stuff to be able to rent a furnished place but I actually knew the guy renting it so I said hi and then he wrote back saying he is actually looking for a roommate for another place that is really nice and pretty cheap. This seems like a win-win situation since I would be paying less than I was before but actually living above ground in a beautiful house. The only trouble is that the guy that would be my roommate has a bit of a "history" and kind of parties and the people I have quizzed about him have seemed a little hesitant. Lame.
Would it be wrong of me to quit my job, take a sugar daddy, and move to Denver? Right now that seems like my best option. And yes, I do know a potential sugar daddy.
Why does all this have to be so damn difficult?!
Would it be wrong of me to quit my job, take a sugar daddy, and move to Denver? Right now that seems like my best option. And yes, I do know a potential sugar daddy.
Why does all this have to be so damn difficult?!
Sunday, July 5, 2009
This /Slash/ That
I can say with quite a bit of certainty that I've been quite thoroughly enjoying this 4th of July weekend. I'm also really enjoying my new home. It's not really seemed weird yet. I'm not sure why I expected it to be weird... probably because awkward is my self described "thing." Sure, it's been a little odd at times while we sort of figure out how this new living situation is supposed to work... but it's not really been too strange yet. The first truly awkward moment came on Friday night. I was sitting in the back yard talking on the phone and my new roommate/ ex boyfriend came home with some beer and groceries. He handed me a beer and sat down in a lawn chair a few feet away. This was all very nice except I happened to be on the phone with a guy I had been emailing and chatting with online for months. It was the first time we had made the "jump" to talking on the phone and we were making plans to meet up sometime in the near future. This was an already awkward situation made even worse with the addition of another pair of ears listening on. In the end it all worked out though.
The guy I was on the phone with lives in Denver and we had met on okcupid.com since we had something like a 96% match. That was my highest match for anyone in like the intermountain west region so I sent him an email months ago and we enjoyed a fun and thoughtful correspondence for several months. We were both single when we met then I was dating the guy that is now my roommate and then he was dating someone and then we found ourselves both single at the same time so we decided it was time to actually meet in person. He drove up here yesterday (the 4th of July) just to see me. I think this might be some sort of record. I'm not sure any dude from Denver has ever offered to drive up here to see another dude, ever. We almost always have to migrate south in order to find the men folk. So, he got here and we wandered around the festival in the park, we had lunch, we wandered around the festival some more and had a funnel cake, and then he went home. Admittedly, it wasn't an exceptionally eventful day but it was good. I think we both felt just a little off our games and hopefully there will be a second date. If that even was a date... it's hard to say. At any rate, I'm going to see him a week from today in Denver. On paper he's perfect for me, plus he's pretty darn cute. I feel like there aren't really any big compromises other than the distance, no big things I have to forgive, no strange flaws that don't mesh with my own strange flaws, we aren't exactly cookie cutter duplicates, which is good, since instead we sort of compliment each other... at least it seems that way on paper. But I'm still a little afraid of a long distance relationship. Oh well, first things first... a second or possibly even a first date and then go from there.
Living with someone that wasn't born in this country has been an interesting experience. He's been in the states for over 11 years and has naturalized and owns a house and all that but there are still some odd differences. Nothing major and they are mostly just interesting more than anything. Meals are slightly different - ie runny scrambled eggs, and dinners that consist of sausages, sliced dark bread, and tomato wedges... and alcohol, lots of alcohol. I don't think a day has passed since I moved in where I didn't have at least one beer with him. But I have been VERY careful to not get drunk since ex's living together + being drunk = danger. But all in all, things have been really good and I like it here. My dog is thrilled, it's like she is a different dog entirely. The whining has completely stopped, the restlessness is gone, she is just happy and content. She mostly stays out of the way and follows one of us around or hangs out under the Norfolk pine in the dining room. She's actually pleasant to be around, it's great!
Yesterday was the 4th of July and I've probably already mentioned that but I have to get back to the original topic I planned for this blog so think of this as a clunky transition. My roommie was painting the upstairs bathroom when my date/ friend/ question mark from Denver showed up. We live like 3 blocks from a big park where there is a huge 4th of July festival and I had originally invited him to go with me before I knew I was going to have company. He seemed less than thrilled and said that he's gone past on his bike in years past and didn't really think it was something he was interested in. After my date/ friend/ question mark from Denver left I had plans to go to the next town over for a party at a colleagues house and he was invited. Again, he opted to stay home and work on the bathroom. I guess the independence day of a country you aren't native to, just isn't that big of a deal. I made sure we had what passed as a "traditional" 4th of July/ picnic/ bbq type meal the night before and he appreciated it. He didn't even have any interest in stepping outside to see the fireworks that were practically shaking the house but at the same time he didn't get upset when the drunk neighbors were up until past 1:00 in he morning shooting off fireworks and celebrating. It's sort of an odd easy going dichotomy that he has going on.
All in all, I'm a pretty happy camper. I just have to be careful to not get TOO happy. I realized the other day as we were both walking my dog that I actually had just about everything I ever wanted but in the wrong way. I live in an adorable house with a guy I get along with really well. I have a cute dog that loves her home. I have a good job and enjoy my coworkers. Given all of these things... I even like the town I'm living in... but it's not right. I'm a guest in this house, it's not my own or even partially my own and the guy that owns it is not mine either. My things are hidden away in a storage unit and I'm borrowing a make believe life that can't last. That cute gay couple walking the cute dog in the park is not a couple. My advice for myself so I don't forget: guard yourself and don't get too comfortable since this can't last. You are playing with fire so be careful.
The guy I was on the phone with lives in Denver and we had met on okcupid.com since we had something like a 96% match. That was my highest match for anyone in like the intermountain west region so I sent him an email months ago and we enjoyed a fun and thoughtful correspondence for several months. We were both single when we met then I was dating the guy that is now my roommate and then he was dating someone and then we found ourselves both single at the same time so we decided it was time to actually meet in person. He drove up here yesterday (the 4th of July) just to see me. I think this might be some sort of record. I'm not sure any dude from Denver has ever offered to drive up here to see another dude, ever. We almost always have to migrate south in order to find the men folk. So, he got here and we wandered around the festival in the park, we had lunch, we wandered around the festival some more and had a funnel cake, and then he went home. Admittedly, it wasn't an exceptionally eventful day but it was good. I think we both felt just a little off our games and hopefully there will be a second date. If that even was a date... it's hard to say. At any rate, I'm going to see him a week from today in Denver. On paper he's perfect for me, plus he's pretty darn cute. I feel like there aren't really any big compromises other than the distance, no big things I have to forgive, no strange flaws that don't mesh with my own strange flaws, we aren't exactly cookie cutter duplicates, which is good, since instead we sort of compliment each other... at least it seems that way on paper. But I'm still a little afraid of a long distance relationship. Oh well, first things first... a second or possibly even a first date and then go from there.
Living with someone that wasn't born in this country has been an interesting experience. He's been in the states for over 11 years and has naturalized and owns a house and all that but there are still some odd differences. Nothing major and they are mostly just interesting more than anything. Meals are slightly different - ie runny scrambled eggs, and dinners that consist of sausages, sliced dark bread, and tomato wedges... and alcohol, lots of alcohol. I don't think a day has passed since I moved in where I didn't have at least one beer with him. But I have been VERY careful to not get drunk since ex's living together + being drunk = danger. But all in all, things have been really good and I like it here. My dog is thrilled, it's like she is a different dog entirely. The whining has completely stopped, the restlessness is gone, she is just happy and content. She mostly stays out of the way and follows one of us around or hangs out under the Norfolk pine in the dining room. She's actually pleasant to be around, it's great!
Yesterday was the 4th of July and I've probably already mentioned that but I have to get back to the original topic I planned for this blog so think of this as a clunky transition. My roommie was painting the upstairs bathroom when my date/ friend/ question mark from Denver showed up. We live like 3 blocks from a big park where there is a huge 4th of July festival and I had originally invited him to go with me before I knew I was going to have company. He seemed less than thrilled and said that he's gone past on his bike in years past and didn't really think it was something he was interested in. After my date/ friend/ question mark from Denver left I had plans to go to the next town over for a party at a colleagues house and he was invited. Again, he opted to stay home and work on the bathroom. I guess the independence day of a country you aren't native to, just isn't that big of a deal. I made sure we had what passed as a "traditional" 4th of July/ picnic/ bbq type meal the night before and he appreciated it. He didn't even have any interest in stepping outside to see the fireworks that were practically shaking the house but at the same time he didn't get upset when the drunk neighbors were up until past 1:00 in he morning shooting off fireworks and celebrating. It's sort of an odd easy going dichotomy that he has going on.
All in all, I'm a pretty happy camper. I just have to be careful to not get TOO happy. I realized the other day as we were both walking my dog that I actually had just about everything I ever wanted but in the wrong way. I live in an adorable house with a guy I get along with really well. I have a cute dog that loves her home. I have a good job and enjoy my coworkers. Given all of these things... I even like the town I'm living in... but it's not right. I'm a guest in this house, it's not my own or even partially my own and the guy that owns it is not mine either. My things are hidden away in a storage unit and I'm borrowing a make believe life that can't last. That cute gay couple walking the cute dog in the park is not a couple. My advice for myself so I don't forget: guard yourself and don't get too comfortable since this can't last. You are playing with fire so be careful.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Semi-Homeless
I've recently learned there is a huge difference between homeless, sort of homeless, and having your own place. Right now I fall in the middle or perhaps just slightly to the right of the middle. Would that be to the right? I dunno. At any rate, I am moved out of my old apartment aside from one recliner that just won't die. I can't get rid of the damn thing and I might have to do some shots with my new roommie and then actually schlep it home in the dark. He actually said he would do that with me. Good guy, eh? I spent my first night in my new home last night. I went to the grocery store after work and then went home to make dinner. I hadn't been able to cook for a few days since my kitchen was in boxes in a storage unit and I wanted to try out the new kitchen. He seemed appreciative that I cooked dinner. My crazy dog eventually calmed down and we settled in for the night. The first few nights with a new roommate are always a little awkward. At one point we both somehow ended up in the living room on the couch on our respective laptops doing essentially nothing. This wouldn't seem strange if you were alone... but with "company" it just seems odd. Eventually we'll both get more comfortable and figure out a routine. Maybe I'll dig up a movie for tonight.
I'm currently at work gulping down coffee. Sleeping on an air mattress for 3 nights and then having a displaced whiny doggy keep you up for a 4th tends to wear you down. My eyes are all red, my muscles are sore, and I'm a sleepy bunny. Spazzy McGee should calm down tonight, at least to the point that I'm able to get a little more restful sleep.
So, the question now is... what's next? I was told that the other people my room was originally promised to and were going to move in in August now no longer need it so I can stay indefinitely. That's good news since if I can stay there for a few months I can save up all sorts of money on rent. We haven't exactly nailed down what I'll be paying in rent but we did establish it won't be a lot since the house is half demolished and I've been helping him renovate since the day he moved in. So, maybe I'll find an amazing house or apartment to rent soon... maybe I'll stay there for a few months and then buy a house, maybe I'll just stay there and use the "temporary" excuse as a motivation to finally get out of this one horse town. I guess I'll just keep my eyes and ears open for new possibilities.
Ok, back to work. This coffee isn't going to drink itself. ;-)
Happy 4th of July!
I'm currently at work gulping down coffee. Sleeping on an air mattress for 3 nights and then having a displaced whiny doggy keep you up for a 4th tends to wear you down. My eyes are all red, my muscles are sore, and I'm a sleepy bunny. Spazzy McGee should calm down tonight, at least to the point that I'm able to get a little more restful sleep.
So, the question now is... what's next? I was told that the other people my room was originally promised to and were going to move in in August now no longer need it so I can stay indefinitely. That's good news since if I can stay there for a few months I can save up all sorts of money on rent. We haven't exactly nailed down what I'll be paying in rent but we did establish it won't be a lot since the house is half demolished and I've been helping him renovate since the day he moved in. So, maybe I'll find an amazing house or apartment to rent soon... maybe I'll stay there for a few months and then buy a house, maybe I'll just stay there and use the "temporary" excuse as a motivation to finally get out of this one horse town. I guess I'll just keep my eyes and ears open for new possibilities.
Ok, back to work. This coffee isn't going to drink itself. ;-)
Happy 4th of July!
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