It’s been a while since my last blog. I’ve been traveling a lot! I’ll try to split this into a couple blogs so as to not overwhelm anyone.
Let’s flash back to a week ago last Monday. I was at work but not really wanting to be there. Winter closure started on Wednesday (Christmas Eve) but I saw that I had about a bazillion sick hours so I planned on suddenly catching a cold and leaving for my parent’s house early. But, I had some things I had to get done first. My top priority was to finish a letter to the administration where I work. The HR lady asked me to come up with a list of duties I’ve been performing that are outside of my job description so I could be “compensated” for doing my boss’s job in spite of the fact that they believe I’m not qualified for it. Being compensated is almost always a good things so I got to work on that list – which became a letter – which became a very long, very bitchy letter – which got revised and de-bitchified – and in the end I turned in a 2 page single spaced letter that explained in a very direct and honest way what I’ve been doing for them for the last 7 months and why nobody else will be able to do this job without my help. We’ll see what happens with that.
So, I got all my work done and left before lunch. I got packed and ready and was on the road at a reasonable time. The roads were fine, and then they weren’t fine, and then they were flat out bad. Just as the sun was setting it started to snow, hard. The middle 2 hours of my drive were a little stressful but I finally made it home. Actually, I drove right past the place I’ve always called home. The lights were all off and it looked all abandoned and cold and sad. I pulled up to the new house and went inside. I felt kind of weird just busting on in but I refused to knock on the door and I’ve already decided I’m not going to use the front door ever since nobody uses it but guests. The house is big and beautiful and it was mostly set up. My dumb dog made short work of destroying the week old hard wood floors. She doesn’t walk anywhere like a normal dog, she has to skitter and peel out and run and slide everywhere. I was pretty sure she was going to take out the Christmas tree at some point but she didn’t.
My parents and bother all had to work right up until Christmas Eve so I kind of just hung out at home all by myself. It was sort of strange since it was a new house and none of my things made the cut to get moved over, not even any of the furniture in my old bedroom. The first day I kind of jut read and puttered around and made lunch for my mom. The next day was Christmas Eve and my brother had the day off so he hung out with me in the morning and then my mom came home in the afternoon but she had a pinched nerve in her back and spent most of the day in bed. This meant I got to cook our big Christmas Eve dinner – all by myself and in a half moved in kitchen I’m not familiar with, which also happens to be about half the size of my entire apartment. Par for the course… my brother decided to go hang out with a buddy rather than stay home and help me out and my dad was still working. (I complain but I actually enjoyed doing it!) So, I made two pies (pumpkin and peach), baked a turkey breast, made dressing, mashed potatoes, homemade gravy, a green bean casserole, and some rolls. My mom eventually felt better and peeled the potatoes and then later mashed them but the rest was all me. It all got done at the right time and it all turned out. Not bad! Gay son saves the day!
Christmas day was sort of odd. Normally we get up kind of early and open packages. There would always be stockings on fireplace mantle with a few little goodies in them and typically a movie and a box of candy sitting on the coffee table in the living room. None of that happened this year. Normally my parents spend way too much and get my brother and me way too many gifts but not this year, which was fine. I have too much stuff. This year there were just a few gifts under the tree and we sort of slept in and then it took a while to actually get around to opening things. It just felt kind of “off.” I got some nice things and I didn’t have to rent a U-haul to go back home so that was good. Christmas dinner was at my grandma’s house. If my parents live in the middle of nowhere, then my grandma lives about 30 miles past the middle of nowhere. There is no cell reception and the nearest neighbor is miles away. It never used to bother me but the more grown up urban “me” is starting to realize just how odd that is. I love my family and I love my grandma but going to her house for Christmas dinner is always awkward and always has been. The conversation is always forced, there are these long uncomfortable silences, and nobody really wants to be there. After dinner we left pretty quickly since mom’s back still hurt. We were secretly glad to have an excuse to dine and dash! We went back home for a while and then went to my other grandparents for leftovers. My other grandparents live literally across the street from my parents and that side of the family is a little more interesting and they usually have prime rib instead of a very dry and bland turkey. I got to see my little cousins there and the leftovers were good and my grandpa got to show me his most recent genealogy finds. I really need to make it a point to go home soon so he can show me all his research; none of us are getting any younger.
The day after Christmas it started snowing and the wind was blowing and my mom insisted that I leave as quickly as possible. I gathered my stuff and was gone by mid morning. The roads were fine and weather was clear all the way home. Normally I would hang out at home with my family until just before New Years but this year I had other plans. I’ll post that blog later!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Quote me on that
Ok, it’s been a while since I wrote a proper blog. I have started a few but I’ve either gotten busy and didn’t have time to finish or I just didn’t like the wording or both. So, what’s been going on with me you ask? Well, let me tell you!
First off, sorry about the seemingly manic depressive blogs as of late. “Oh, I’m SOOO happy!” Oh, I’m sooo sad…” To be fair, for the most part, only the best and worst of my life ends up in these blogs so they would naturally seem to be all over the place. Plus, I guess I am sort of all over the place sometimes. I hope I’m a lot more stable than my perception of the impression I give out in this blog. (How is that for a weird statement!?) The tone of this blog is going to change somewhat. In the past I’ve gotten myself into some awkward situations because I over share in my blog and then someone reads it and realizes I’m talking about them. That’s why I moved here – no profile attached. I am also going to quit using my own name and the names of people I know. In the future this blog will be attributed to Oblio. My dog will be known as Arrow and my friends will be referred to either anonymously or by letters. This might cause some confusion… but that’s ok. A little confusion keeps things fresh! Bonus points to anyone that can figure out the Oblio/Arrow reference. Thanks to the friend that made that suggestion!
Arrow has been a good doggy lately. She’s pretty unhappy about the sudden cold snap since that means she doesn’t get to go on as long of walks. She’s just too crazy to be able to walk when it’s icy. I have to make her walk behind me to keep her from jerking on the leash so that I don’t end up breaking my neck on the ice. For some reason there is no middle ground with her. She either has to be tugging on the leash or walking behind me and peaking past my legs in a sort of sad jailed doggy way. She smells like corn chips right now. Not sure why… time for a bath!
Work has been busy. I’m not going to say anything specific about it anymore. My perceived injustices continue but I’ve done very little to actually remedy the situation. I guess the bottom line is that I make enough money to live with just a tiny bit left over each month, so things aren’t so bad. I took the morning off today so that I could get my hair cut and run some errands. While we’re on that topic…
I really only have one skeleton in my closet. I’ve stayed in contact with almost all the guys I’ve ever dated and if I’m not outright friends with them then I’m at least on speaking terms, with one exception. Long time readers have some idea of whom I am talking about since there was a series of fairly immature and passive aggressive blogs written about him a year or so ago. For the most part I had made my peace with him – in my own head. We both made mistakes, we both did a lot of things we shouldn’t have, but some bridges just can’t be rebuilt once you burn them. Last I knew, he was probably still in the next town over doing whatever it is that he does. Then about a month or two ago I decided to randomly look up his myspace profile. I assumed it would be set to private but I wondered if he still had one. I found him easily enough and my heart skipped a beat. It said he lived in my town now. I did a second quick search in the student directory at the university and found him there. So, he had been living in the same town as me going to school for almost a semester and I had no idea. That scared me a little since it meant he was able to find and avoid me but I had no idea he was even around. He’s not the sort of person you would randomly bump into at walmart buying milk and bread so I figured I would just not worry about it. So, back to my story. I was playing hooky today and went to get my hair cut at my regular place. Turns out they were busy and it would be at least 45 minutes. I wasn’t in a hurry today but I did have stuff to get done so I decided to try out this new place. It’s just a slightly newer “cheap cut’s R us haircut barn” type of place but someone at some point had recommended it and told me that the guy that cut his hair there knew me and that they had a nice little chat about me. That was kind of odd since to the best of my knowledge I didn’t know anyone that cuts hair. I went in and it seemed nice and there was no wait so I got my hair cut. It’s a decent cut, nothing great but it will do. I was paying and I casually mentioned that someone told me that I know a guy that works there. Then she spoke the name of my skeleton and I realized I had unknowingly walked into his closet. Not only that, but he had been in that day and was expected back at any minute. I guess it’s good to know where he works and it’s also good I wasn’t that impressed with the hair cut and they don’t sell the specific brand of hair product I use. Not going back there!
As long as we are on the topic of relationships… I am still pretty darn unsure what to do about my Canadian. I leave for California to see him in 11 days. Simply NOT kissing him the second I see him might be my greatest exercise in self restraint to date, not to mention sharing a hotel room with him for three days... I have to protect my heart though and I know if I let myself feel anything at all then it will be over for me and I’ll just end up getting hurt when I realize once again that I can’t have him. *sigh* Why can’t it just be simple? Why can’t you just love someone and have them love you back and have them be single and compatible? Is that really asking so much? For that matter, why do I knowingly walk into situations like this? Dumb.
I’m reminded of a quote from *My Best Friend's Wedding (*Corrected, thanks A!). (I know, pretty lame movie but I like the quotation!) It’s when she’s in a stolen truck chasing her “dream” guy and the guy is chasing someone else and she is on the phone with her gay friend and he asks her “and who is chasing you?” Nobody. I wonder if I just like the chase and that’s why I only go after guys that are in some way unavailable. I know that can’t be true though, I hate the chase and I just want prize at the end. Maybe that’s something I need to work on but I don’t really know how. I’ve also found that when guys pursue me too strongly then I just run away. That’s super logical… I only like guys that I can’t have and I don’t like guys that are actually available and want me. Stupid.
I’ve been sort of ignoring my MA program in the hopes that it would just finish itself and go away and I’ll go home from work one day to find my degree in the mail. Well, that hasn’t happened yet. I swore I would finish before the end of 2008 but I don’t see that happening since I would have to be done by… oh… today since I’m going home and then to California for the last week or two of the year. A friend gave me some great advice the other day in an email. It’s advice I had heard 100 times from 100 people but somehow she was able to find the exact combination of words to make me hear it. “Perfect is pretty, but done is beautiful.” I’ve been hung up on making my thesis perfect when I should be worried about just getting done with it. Well, in January I will pay my fees, fill out the mountain of paperwork, and then just get it done. Who cares if it’s not the next Great American Novel? It doesn’t need to be. It’s just a crappy thesis that will sit on a dusty shelf somewhere and if I’m lucky maybe 2 grad students in the next 20 years will check it out and skim through it. Done is beautiful!
I might not write again before the New Year. If that happens, I want to thank everyone reading this and wish you a fantastic holiday season! I’ll be sort of MIA for a while. I’m sure I’ll have a lot to say once I’m back home from my trips.
First off, sorry about the seemingly manic depressive blogs as of late. “Oh, I’m SOOO happy!” Oh, I’m sooo sad…” To be fair, for the most part, only the best and worst of my life ends up in these blogs so they would naturally seem to be all over the place. Plus, I guess I am sort of all over the place sometimes. I hope I’m a lot more stable than my perception of the impression I give out in this blog. (How is that for a weird statement!?) The tone of this blog is going to change somewhat. In the past I’ve gotten myself into some awkward situations because I over share in my blog and then someone reads it and realizes I’m talking about them. That’s why I moved here – no profile attached. I am also going to quit using my own name and the names of people I know. In the future this blog will be attributed to Oblio. My dog will be known as Arrow and my friends will be referred to either anonymously or by letters. This might cause some confusion… but that’s ok. A little confusion keeps things fresh! Bonus points to anyone that can figure out the Oblio/Arrow reference. Thanks to the friend that made that suggestion!
Arrow has been a good doggy lately. She’s pretty unhappy about the sudden cold snap since that means she doesn’t get to go on as long of walks. She’s just too crazy to be able to walk when it’s icy. I have to make her walk behind me to keep her from jerking on the leash so that I don’t end up breaking my neck on the ice. For some reason there is no middle ground with her. She either has to be tugging on the leash or walking behind me and peaking past my legs in a sort of sad jailed doggy way. She smells like corn chips right now. Not sure why… time for a bath!
Work has been busy. I’m not going to say anything specific about it anymore. My perceived injustices continue but I’ve done very little to actually remedy the situation. I guess the bottom line is that I make enough money to live with just a tiny bit left over each month, so things aren’t so bad. I took the morning off today so that I could get my hair cut and run some errands. While we’re on that topic…
I really only have one skeleton in my closet. I’ve stayed in contact with almost all the guys I’ve ever dated and if I’m not outright friends with them then I’m at least on speaking terms, with one exception. Long time readers have some idea of whom I am talking about since there was a series of fairly immature and passive aggressive blogs written about him a year or so ago. For the most part I had made my peace with him – in my own head. We both made mistakes, we both did a lot of things we shouldn’t have, but some bridges just can’t be rebuilt once you burn them. Last I knew, he was probably still in the next town over doing whatever it is that he does. Then about a month or two ago I decided to randomly look up his myspace profile. I assumed it would be set to private but I wondered if he still had one. I found him easily enough and my heart skipped a beat. It said he lived in my town now. I did a second quick search in the student directory at the university and found him there. So, he had been living in the same town as me going to school for almost a semester and I had no idea. That scared me a little since it meant he was able to find and avoid me but I had no idea he was even around. He’s not the sort of person you would randomly bump into at walmart buying milk and bread so I figured I would just not worry about it. So, back to my story. I was playing hooky today and went to get my hair cut at my regular place. Turns out they were busy and it would be at least 45 minutes. I wasn’t in a hurry today but I did have stuff to get done so I decided to try out this new place. It’s just a slightly newer “cheap cut’s R us haircut barn” type of place but someone at some point had recommended it and told me that the guy that cut his hair there knew me and that they had a nice little chat about me. That was kind of odd since to the best of my knowledge I didn’t know anyone that cuts hair. I went in and it seemed nice and there was no wait so I got my hair cut. It’s a decent cut, nothing great but it will do. I was paying and I casually mentioned that someone told me that I know a guy that works there. Then she spoke the name of my skeleton and I realized I had unknowingly walked into his closet. Not only that, but he had been in that day and was expected back at any minute. I guess it’s good to know where he works and it’s also good I wasn’t that impressed with the hair cut and they don’t sell the specific brand of hair product I use. Not going back there!
As long as we are on the topic of relationships… I am still pretty darn unsure what to do about my Canadian. I leave for California to see him in 11 days. Simply NOT kissing him the second I see him might be my greatest exercise in self restraint to date, not to mention sharing a hotel room with him for three days... I have to protect my heart though and I know if I let myself feel anything at all then it will be over for me and I’ll just end up getting hurt when I realize once again that I can’t have him. *sigh* Why can’t it just be simple? Why can’t you just love someone and have them love you back and have them be single and compatible? Is that really asking so much? For that matter, why do I knowingly walk into situations like this? Dumb.
I’m reminded of a quote from *My Best Friend's Wedding (*Corrected, thanks A!). (I know, pretty lame movie but I like the quotation!) It’s when she’s in a stolen truck chasing her “dream” guy and the guy is chasing someone else and she is on the phone with her gay friend and he asks her “and who is chasing you?” Nobody. I wonder if I just like the chase and that’s why I only go after guys that are in some way unavailable. I know that can’t be true though, I hate the chase and I just want prize at the end. Maybe that’s something I need to work on but I don’t really know how. I’ve also found that when guys pursue me too strongly then I just run away. That’s super logical… I only like guys that I can’t have and I don’t like guys that are actually available and want me. Stupid.
I’ve been sort of ignoring my MA program in the hopes that it would just finish itself and go away and I’ll go home from work one day to find my degree in the mail. Well, that hasn’t happened yet. I swore I would finish before the end of 2008 but I don’t see that happening since I would have to be done by… oh… today since I’m going home and then to California for the last week or two of the year. A friend gave me some great advice the other day in an email. It’s advice I had heard 100 times from 100 people but somehow she was able to find the exact combination of words to make me hear it. “Perfect is pretty, but done is beautiful.” I’ve been hung up on making my thesis perfect when I should be worried about just getting done with it. Well, in January I will pay my fees, fill out the mountain of paperwork, and then just get it done. Who cares if it’s not the next Great American Novel? It doesn’t need to be. It’s just a crappy thesis that will sit on a dusty shelf somewhere and if I’m lucky maybe 2 grad students in the next 20 years will check it out and skim through it. Done is beautiful!
I might not write again before the New Year. If that happens, I want to thank everyone reading this and wish you a fantastic holiday season! I’ll be sort of MIA for a while. I’m sure I’ll have a lot to say once I’m back home from my trips.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Low
Well, I officially jinxed myself by writing that overly gushy blog yesterday. Now I have my low for the semester. Pretty much everything that happened from 1:30 yesterday afternoon to 6:30 last night sucked.
I found out a week ago that I would have a 4th person working in my office starting in January to finish up the grant I was originally hired to work on a year and a half ago. Since the scan lab was getting moved I was going to have a station set up for her and since I originally worked on that grant I knew exactly what she could and couldn’t work on. No prob. Then she showed up to tell me she was told her current grant was out of money and she would be starting immediately - as in within the hour. That complicated things some but I came up with a game plan and decided I should run some things past HR to make sure I had the details correct. I normally like talking to HR – they make you feel good about yourself and use nonspecific words so that you leave feeling better but nothing really happens. This time I left feeling belittled, angry, marginalized, and upset. I was basically told that this was none of my concern and that someone else would decide what this person would do and it was implied that I was overstepping my boundaries and that I should just get back to my desk and do something simple. Ouch.
So, I went back to my office vented for a few minutes and felt a little better. I found out the person that said those things had a lot on her mind and that it wasn’t personal, I just happened to show up at exactly the wrong time. Not an excuse but made me feel a bit better. Then I got an email from my Canadian. I normally enjoy those. This one I did not enjoy. I’m still not sure what the intention of the email was but it had the feel of getting preemptively dumped before we even had a relationship. Awkward, since I bought a nonrefundable, nontransferable ticket to spend 3 days with him after Christmas. Super, so now I’m being dumped by a guy I REALLY like but I’m not even in a relationship with and still plan on spending several days with. Ouch.
I was on the verge of tears and had two other people in my office so I decided it would be best to just make a hasty exit and go home. In spite of having 4 inches of fresh snow on the ground I took my dog for a long walk until I was half frozen. I went back home had a glass of red wine and took a nice hot bubble bath. I felt a little better so I got out of the tub and turned on my laptop to write to the Canadian. My laptop then informed me that I had a virus and it wouldn’t let me update my virus software or remove the virus. Then the internet just quit working entirely. No computer usage for me. Ouch.
So, I decided to make some dinner. Cooking is therapeutic for me so I cleaned some dishes and decided to make some stuffed peppers and then maybe some banana bread. I started cleaning the peppers and couldn’t immediately find a spoon to scrap the ribs and seeds out of the peppers so I used my thumb nail. They were jalapeños so this probably wasn’t the best idea but I’ve done it before and they’ve never really seemed to bother me. I got the filling all done and all the peppers cleaned and I noticed the back of one hand stung a little bit like I got something in small cut or something. Ten minutes later both hands were red and burning. Super, a chemical burn from peppers on both hands. Ouch.
I feel better today but I was a pretty sad panda for a while. The work thing and the Canadian thing are infinitely more complicated than I made them sound here. Ultimately, nothing has really changed. My job is still what it’s always been and I’m still just as single as I was yesterday. I feel like Icarus. I flew too close to the sun, my wings melted, and I landed with a thump back on earth. I’m not a department manager and I will not have a boyfriend after my trip to San Francisco. Oh well, life goes on.
To let loose.
To let free.
To breathe in.
To breathe out.
Peace out.
I found out a week ago that I would have a 4th person working in my office starting in January to finish up the grant I was originally hired to work on a year and a half ago. Since the scan lab was getting moved I was going to have a station set up for her and since I originally worked on that grant I knew exactly what she could and couldn’t work on. No prob. Then she showed up to tell me she was told her current grant was out of money and she would be starting immediately - as in within the hour. That complicated things some but I came up with a game plan and decided I should run some things past HR to make sure I had the details correct. I normally like talking to HR – they make you feel good about yourself and use nonspecific words so that you leave feeling better but nothing really happens. This time I left feeling belittled, angry, marginalized, and upset. I was basically told that this was none of my concern and that someone else would decide what this person would do and it was implied that I was overstepping my boundaries and that I should just get back to my desk and do something simple. Ouch.
So, I went back to my office vented for a few minutes and felt a little better. I found out the person that said those things had a lot on her mind and that it wasn’t personal, I just happened to show up at exactly the wrong time. Not an excuse but made me feel a bit better. Then I got an email from my Canadian. I normally enjoy those. This one I did not enjoy. I’m still not sure what the intention of the email was but it had the feel of getting preemptively dumped before we even had a relationship. Awkward, since I bought a nonrefundable, nontransferable ticket to spend 3 days with him after Christmas. Super, so now I’m being dumped by a guy I REALLY like but I’m not even in a relationship with and still plan on spending several days with. Ouch.
I was on the verge of tears and had two other people in my office so I decided it would be best to just make a hasty exit and go home. In spite of having 4 inches of fresh snow on the ground I took my dog for a long walk until I was half frozen. I went back home had a glass of red wine and took a nice hot bubble bath. I felt a little better so I got out of the tub and turned on my laptop to write to the Canadian. My laptop then informed me that I had a virus and it wouldn’t let me update my virus software or remove the virus. Then the internet just quit working entirely. No computer usage for me. Ouch.
So, I decided to make some dinner. Cooking is therapeutic for me so I cleaned some dishes and decided to make some stuffed peppers and then maybe some banana bread. I started cleaning the peppers and couldn’t immediately find a spoon to scrap the ribs and seeds out of the peppers so I used my thumb nail. They were jalapeños so this probably wasn’t the best idea but I’ve done it before and they’ve never really seemed to bother me. I got the filling all done and all the peppers cleaned and I noticed the back of one hand stung a little bit like I got something in small cut or something. Ten minutes later both hands were red and burning. Super, a chemical burn from peppers on both hands. Ouch.
I feel better today but I was a pretty sad panda for a while. The work thing and the Canadian thing are infinitely more complicated than I made them sound here. Ultimately, nothing has really changed. My job is still what it’s always been and I’m still just as single as I was yesterday. I feel like Icarus. I flew too close to the sun, my wings melted, and I landed with a thump back on earth. I’m not a department manager and I will not have a boyfriend after my trip to San Francisco. Oh well, life goes on.
To let loose.
To let free.
To breathe in.
To breathe out.
Peace out.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
An Embarrassment of Riches
For those of you reading this that don’t know, I’m one of the advisors for a LGBT student group. We often do a sort of community building/ ice breaker called “highs and lows” where we introduce ourselves and give our high and low for the week – meaning the best and the worst thing to happen in the last seven days. Last night was the last meeting of the semester so we gave our high and low for the entire semester. I had to go first and I was caught off guard. So many great things have happened this semester. I ended up going with the obvious but most superficial thing and said it was the Madonna concert I went to a few weeks ago, even though spending a few days with a certain someone was clearly my “high” for the semester. Then I couldn’t think of a low. Not only could I not think of the absolute worst thing to happen to me this semester, I couldn’t think of anything that was even all that bad. Crazy right? Especially since I fill this blog by whining about things! I still can’t really think of a single truly bad thing that’s happened to me in the last six months. *knock on wood*
I’m feeling very thankful and sappy right now so nearly a week late, here is what I’m thankful for this year.
As much as I complain about it, I really do love my job. I enjoy the people I work with and I enjoy what I do. It does get a little tedious and boring at times, but that’s just the nature of the game. I do feel a little marginalized but never unappreciated. I work 8-5, Monday through Friday, I am salaried, I get paid holidays, paid sick leave and vacation time, and a nice little paid vacation for winter closure, and that is all AWESOME. I got two small raises this year. Even if they were small, more money is still more money and for the first time in my life I make enough to cover all the bills and I’m slowly digging myself out of debt instead of getting further in debt. I might not stay here for much longer but my time here has been great. I’m young, intelligent, trainable, and charming as hell (not to mention modest!) – so I’m not really worried about the employment thing. I’ll have this job until I decide it’s time to pack up and go elsewhere and then I’m confident that I’ll find something new when the time is right.
My job has afforded me the luxury of being able to travel this year. I got to spend an amazing week in Mexico, bobbing around the ocean, exploring ruins, eating amazing food, and just generally having a great time. I got to visit New York City for the first time and fell in love with the bustle and excitement of the city. And before the year is over I’ll also get to visit San Francisco. I’m sure I’ll fall in love with it.
Speaking of the “L” word. I find myself in a position where I am actually ready to move on with my life and love again. Yeah, I realize it’s been ages since I had a steady boyfriend and I realize that I’ve been dating pretty much constantly since we broke up, but I honestly wasn’t ready to move on until quite recently. My reluctance to move on had very little to do with my ex (who I am still friends with and still love) but had everything to do with the fact that I just knew I had some growing and developing to do. Spending a few days with an amazing guy cured me of my fear to move on. For that I am eternally grateful and I hope to explore the possibilities this guy offers, even if I know I could get hurt in the process and it will infinitely complicate my life, but that’s what falling in love is all about.
I am so thankful for my amazing friends, both old and new. I have a few friends that have always been there and I know will always be there for me. Thanks, I love you all. I have also made a few new friends this year. Remembering the days of elementary and high school, I’m so thankful to have so many great friends. I was always the little boy that played all alone on the playground. Eventually I would make a friend only to have that friend move away a few months or a year later. I think from first to 6th grade I had my “best” friend (meaning my only friend) move away 3 or 4 times. With the exception of my senior year of high school I was always felt like the loner that never really fit in any of the cliques. I’m still adjusting to the fact that I have friends, that those friends will stay my friends, and that I’m perfectly capable of making more friends. So, for all of you reading this – thank you so much, you mean the world to me!
Last but not least, I am so thankful for my amazing parents. They have always been loving and supportive of me no matter what. I know no matter where they live or what is going on in our lives, I can always go home and be accepted with open arms. I’m also thankful for my brother and the rest of my family. I wish I was closer to my brother again. I think that might be my resolution for 2009. I’m very lucky to have such a close extended family. I need to spend more time with them.
2008 has been a great year. It has had its ups and downs but the trick is to just remember the good. Learn from the bad things that happen, but then move on and focus on what is right in your life. It might seem like a ridiculously simple suggestion but it makes a huge difference.
To let loose.
To let free.
To breathe in.
To breathe out.
Peace out.
I’m feeling very thankful and sappy right now so nearly a week late, here is what I’m thankful for this year.
As much as I complain about it, I really do love my job. I enjoy the people I work with and I enjoy what I do. It does get a little tedious and boring at times, but that’s just the nature of the game. I do feel a little marginalized but never unappreciated. I work 8-5, Monday through Friday, I am salaried, I get paid holidays, paid sick leave and vacation time, and a nice little paid vacation for winter closure, and that is all AWESOME. I got two small raises this year. Even if they were small, more money is still more money and for the first time in my life I make enough to cover all the bills and I’m slowly digging myself out of debt instead of getting further in debt. I might not stay here for much longer but my time here has been great. I’m young, intelligent, trainable, and charming as hell (not to mention modest!) – so I’m not really worried about the employment thing. I’ll have this job until I decide it’s time to pack up and go elsewhere and then I’m confident that I’ll find something new when the time is right.
My job has afforded me the luxury of being able to travel this year. I got to spend an amazing week in Mexico, bobbing around the ocean, exploring ruins, eating amazing food, and just generally having a great time. I got to visit New York City for the first time and fell in love with the bustle and excitement of the city. And before the year is over I’ll also get to visit San Francisco. I’m sure I’ll fall in love with it.
Speaking of the “L” word. I find myself in a position where I am actually ready to move on with my life and love again. Yeah, I realize it’s been ages since I had a steady boyfriend and I realize that I’ve been dating pretty much constantly since we broke up, but I honestly wasn’t ready to move on until quite recently. My reluctance to move on had very little to do with my ex (who I am still friends with and still love) but had everything to do with the fact that I just knew I had some growing and developing to do. Spending a few days with an amazing guy cured me of my fear to move on. For that I am eternally grateful and I hope to explore the possibilities this guy offers, even if I know I could get hurt in the process and it will infinitely complicate my life, but that’s what falling in love is all about.
I am so thankful for my amazing friends, both old and new. I have a few friends that have always been there and I know will always be there for me. Thanks, I love you all. I have also made a few new friends this year. Remembering the days of elementary and high school, I’m so thankful to have so many great friends. I was always the little boy that played all alone on the playground. Eventually I would make a friend only to have that friend move away a few months or a year later. I think from first to 6th grade I had my “best” friend (meaning my only friend) move away 3 or 4 times. With the exception of my senior year of high school I was always felt like the loner that never really fit in any of the cliques. I’m still adjusting to the fact that I have friends, that those friends will stay my friends, and that I’m perfectly capable of making more friends. So, for all of you reading this – thank you so much, you mean the world to me!
Last but not least, I am so thankful for my amazing parents. They have always been loving and supportive of me no matter what. I know no matter where they live or what is going on in our lives, I can always go home and be accepted with open arms. I’m also thankful for my brother and the rest of my family. I wish I was closer to my brother again. I think that might be my resolution for 2009. I’m very lucky to have such a close extended family. I need to spend more time with them.
2008 has been a great year. It has had its ups and downs but the trick is to just remember the good. Learn from the bad things that happen, but then move on and focus on what is right in your life. It might seem like a ridiculously simple suggestion but it makes a huge difference.
To let loose.
To let free.
To breathe in.
To breathe out.
Peace out.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Even if the Stars Fade…
I went home for an extended Thanksgiving weekend. I left Wednesday afternoon and got back to my place on Sunday evening. It’s been a while since I got to spend that much time at home with my family. It was great to see everyone. I need to spend more time with my family. I got to finally see my parent’s new house. It’s mostly done now and it’s beautiful. It’s just sort of strange since it will never be my home. I’ll have a “guest room” to sleep in when I visit it but for the most part, all of my things are getting packed away. I have a lot of it here and the rest will go into storage somewhere.
The next time I go “home” I’ll have to drive past the place I grew up and go into a different house. That was Home from the time I was 4 years old until I left for college at 18, and even then I went home for summers and Christmas and whatnot. I’m not really sure where Home has been since then. My old apartment felt like Home but I’ve felt sort of… well, homeless since then. I don’t especially like where I live right now. It’s cold, darker than I would like, small, has purple carpet, and it’s just not me. I haven’t hung much of anything on the walls in the year and a half that I’ve lived here and that bugs me when other people do it, but hanging things sort of confirms that I live here. I didn’t even finish unpacking until after I had lived here for over a year. So, that begs the question: where is my home?
I used to look out my bedroom window when I was growing up. My window faced north and I could always see the big dipper and the North Star. I was safe at home in the center of my universe. The stars up there are brilliantly bright since there is virtually no light pollution to block them out at night. But I realize now that even if the stars fade, they are always there.
The next time I go “home” I’ll have to drive past the place I grew up and go into a different house. That was Home from the time I was 4 years old until I left for college at 18, and even then I went home for summers and Christmas and whatnot. I’m not really sure where Home has been since then. My old apartment felt like Home but I’ve felt sort of… well, homeless since then. I don’t especially like where I live right now. It’s cold, darker than I would like, small, has purple carpet, and it’s just not me. I haven’t hung much of anything on the walls in the year and a half that I’ve lived here and that bugs me when other people do it, but hanging things sort of confirms that I live here. I didn’t even finish unpacking until after I had lived here for over a year. So, that begs the question: where is my home?
I used to look out my bedroom window when I was growing up. My window faced north and I could always see the big dipper and the North Star. I was safe at home in the center of my universe. The stars up there are brilliantly bright since there is virtually no light pollution to block them out at night. But I realize now that even if the stars fade, they are always there.
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