It's been quite a while since I posted anything here. I think my last post was over a month ago and I have no idea what it said so I'm just going to hit the major points of what has been going on in my life lately, so pretty much the same as always. I finished my classes with seconds to spare. I managed to give myself food poisoning (I think from a Wendy's hamburger) so I was incredibly sick for about 3-4 days during finals week but I managed to finish everything up "mostly" in time. In spite of my last minute slacker-ish ways I still got A's in all of my classes which bumped my GPA well over the requirement. I thought I would have to take one more class over the summer but it seems the history department either changed their requirements or just forgot what they were. That means I'm just a handful of signatures and a couple of weeks of thesis revisions away from being done with my MA. It doesn't seem real yet. I was this close four years ago and everything fell apart so I'm not celebrating just yet. Besides, my adviser has gone missing for the last two weeks. I begged to be assigned a different adviser because I knew this would happen. I guess I'll just have to continue to be persistent until I get what I need. I have until August 5th to get everything done but realistically I could be done by July and that would be pretty awesome!
Work has been about the same lately. My favorite work friend just recently accepted another job offer and will be leaving in a few weeks. That makes me sad. He's the second person to leave in less than a year and at least 3 others (including me) have been actively trying to get away for months. Hopefully this will send a message to the "higher ups" that we are not being paid anything close to what we should be. (Something like $15,000 less than the national average.) I haven't decided if I'm going to apply for his job or not. It would pay slightly more, be slightly more work, and be a nicer sounding title. The work itself would not be significantly different but I guess it would expand my qualifications somewhat. I'm a little hesitant to go through that stress when I already have one foot out the door. There is also a job opening in Utah that I am considering but equally unsure of. Maybe I'll apply for both and keep my options open.
I went to a conference in Utah a week ago. I was there for five days and only went to the conference because 1) I have to spend my travel budget to spend before July 1st and, 2) I wanted to spend time with my boyfriend on his birthday and this was a good way to justify the time and expense. The conference itself was painful. It was 8 hours of classes that had little relevance to my interests and goals. Boyfriend turned 30 and we spent a lot of time together in spite of his having to work a couple days while I was there. I was going to surprise him by leaving Friday so I could go to his big birthday bash but he just kept persisting and pushing and asking when I was leaving and I couldn't lie to him that many times so I had to finally spill the beans and admit that I was going to leave in time for his party instead of the next day, like I had been telling him. I got no credit for trying to surprise him or even for the extra effort of leaving a day early, instead I was told to leave an hour earlier than I planned on so that we wouldn't be late for anything. It was kind kind of cold and businessy and I felt like maybe some other emotions were in order. I got there with almost 2 hours to spare and we hung out watching tv in that time. He then bought an energy drink that should probably not be legal since it had something like 300 mg of caffeine and after drinking it he turned into a hyperactive 12 year old, which made the rest of the evening more than a little irritating but I held my tongue since it was his birthday party. The rest of the trip was better but I still alternated between feelings of extreme irritation at his lack of maturity and feelings of affection when he was actually acting like a mature adult. It pains me to say it, but I was actually kind of glad to be going home by the end of the trip and that's not a good thing. Relationships are so complicated. I really do love him but there are times when I can't stand to be around him. The best way I can explain it is that he sometimes out of the clear blue turns into this junior high class clown and does stupid things trying to get a laugh and that sort of behavior pissed me off when I was 13, it's even less funny at 30. He knows it's not funny but instead of stopping he tries harder to force the issue. "Yes, I heard what you said... it wasn't funny the first time so I don't know why it would be funny the 3rd or 4th time. I'm ignoring you for a reason." I had a long chat with my mom last night. I was planning on bringing Boyfriend home for a long weekend in June. This would be the first guy I've ever brought home and I'm not sure I want to anymore. He's a great guy, and I hoped this behavior was just temporary since I didn't notice it when we first met but it's starting to seem this is who he really is and he was just not being his full immature self when we first met. If that's the case... I'm not sure how this is going to work. I'm certainly not moving to a different state to be with the class clown that I went out of my way to avoid for most of my life.
I'm sure I'm being too hard on him. I know I'm hard on my friends and even harder on my boyfriends. They have to live up to impossible expectations and I am the spin master. I can talk myself into or out of anything and I can make someone sound horrible or wonderful drawing from the same events and characteristics. Now I have to determine if I'm just being too hard on him or if his corny joking is really as offensive as I'm making it seem in my head.
I think I'm just cranky and restless. It's supposed to be spring and I've only seen the sun for brief moments for almost two weeks. I want to go somewhere and do something but I don't know where or what and I don't want to drive to do it. Actually, what I really want is to stay home and be left alone for at least a day if not three. I need my own apartment but I don't want the commitment of a lease. I think once again I've reached the point that I need to make a decision and just go with it. (Or maybe several.)
To let loose,
to let free,
to breathe in,
to breathe out,
Peace out.
