An Overdue Update

It’s been an inexcusably long time since I posted a blog! As a matter of fact, I had to just go back and read my last post to see where I left off. There is a lot so I guess here is the rapid fire bulleted version of the last two weeks or so.

~ Work is going well. I still really like my new supervisor/ coworker. Our task force committees have started up and I enjoy being part of them. My assistant was officially taken away from me yesterday and given to my new supervisor. That sort of sucks, but I expected it to happen. Actually, this means I can hang out with him over the summer and not have the potential weirdness of the supervisor/ employee thing to worry about.

~ Before I get into the fun stuff I want to mention that I had a migraine last week. It sucked, a LOT. I assumed a migraine was just a bad headache and that most people that have them are just being whiners but they are brutal! I started having “visual disturbances” the night before it started – small blind spots in one eye and auras and floating squiggly lines and whatnot. I figured I had just spent too much time on my computer so I went to bed early. I woke up the next morning and my head hurt so much it was making me sick to my stomach. It lasted about a day and then faded off and then I had a mini migraine about two days later that only lasted about 4 hours. Getting back into yoga should help. I ran into my drunken yoga instructor a few weeks ago and he assured me he would be teaching summer classes. That will be nice.

~ The busiest week of my entire year usually falls on the second week of April. My week went something like this: Tuesday – Take Back the Night with a bunch of kick ass feminists. Later that night was spectrum with the gay kids stories. That’s where I left off in my blog. Then on Friday – Day of Silence. I didn’t get to take a vow of silence this year since I had to help prep for history day at work. The breaking the silence rally had a low turnout due to an unexpected foot of snow that plopped out of the sky the night before but it was still an amazing experience. The speakers were great and then there was this amazing surprisingly awesome all female a cappella group that sang for us. They rocked! If I were getting married right now I would want them to sing at my wedding! Then Saturday morning – Wyo AIDS Walk. Again, low turnout due to closed roads and the general unpleasantness of the weather. The walk was actually pretty nice since it stopped snowing just in time. Then Saturday evening – Drag Queen Bingo! I believe this one requires its own bullet…

~ I mentioned at one point that Drag Queen Bingo is pretty much “the” social even t of the year for me and that I was waiting to see what happened and who I decided to take with me. *A drum roll please* I ended up asking the Czech to go with me and had a pretty good time with him! I’m sure it was a little overwhelming for him since he’s been here for 4 years and has met just a few gay people and then on our first “date” I took him somewhere packed with ‘mos! He did surprisingly well with my friends and seemed to have a good time. After bingo we went to the only all night greasy spoon for some bad food with my bestest fag hag, who gave her stamp of approval. Then he drove me home, kissed me goodnight, and I went in grinning like an idiot.

~ We’ve seen each other several times since then. I’ve learned to pick up on his subtle and understated yet hilarious sense of humor and he’s started to come out of his shell. He was so shy and quiet and awkward the first time we met. I remember I couldn’t get away fast enough but now somehow those same traits seem cute and charming. He rushes to open doors for me. He is an amazing cook and pays attention and remembers the things I like. I mentioned in passing once that I enjoy wheat beer and now it’s become a staple in his fridge. Little things like that go a long way.

~ We spent most of the weekend together. He made pizza at his place. He actually made the crust by hand and then topped it with mostly veggies and it was easily one of the best pizzas I’ve ever had. Then I made him watch Princess Bride with me. He fell asleep. It’s just as well since very few people think that movie is as funny as I do. The next day he went with me to look at a couch and help me move a big antique table and chairs I bought for my parents. A lady was moving and selling all her furniture for really cheap. I also bought this fantastic mahogany art deco book shelf. I love solid wood furniture but can’t afford it unless I buy it used.

~ He is in the process of buying a house right now and needs a ton of furniture for it. So, after the used furniture we went to the 3 real furniture stores in town to look at bed frames. At the first store we were looking at mattresses and the sales person came up and spoke to both of us as a couple about buying a mattress and even pointed out features that kept movement to a minimum while your partner is moving around on the other side of the bed. It was unexpected for many reasons. My first thought was: “hey, am I in a relationship?” And that was followed shortly by: “am I really helping my boyfriend pick out furniture?” Then: “Boyfriend?!” Followed by : “Hey, that was very open minded of this guy to see two guys shopping for a mattress and to not assume we were just friends.” Then: “Wow, do we actually look so ‘couple-y’ already that a total stranger would assume we were together even though we weren’t holding hands or even standing all that near to each other?”

~ And here comes the crazy insecure psychotic part of me that questions everything. It’s been so long since I’ve been in a relationship. For that matter, am I in a relationship? I don’t know how to date someone that lives 5 blocks from me. How often should we see each other? Is it ok if I don’t want to see him every day? I need a lot of space sometimes. Is that ok? I’m always happy when I’m with him but sometimes I don’t want to actually make the effort to see him. Is that normal? Ah! It’s only been like 2 weeks, or maybe one week, or a month… crap… I have no idea when we started dating. Are we dating? When did that happen? How did “coffee” turn into “dinner” and then into furniture shopping?

~ Frick… sometimes I need someone to just follow me around and hit me with a cardboard tube when I start acting like a crazy person. How do my friends put up with me?

~ Well, that’s all for now. Oh, wait! One more thing. The Czech has keep in much better contact with the Mysterious Stranger than I have and I guess the three of us are having dinner together this weekend. That could be interesting.

To let loose.
To let free.
To breathe in.
To breathe out.

Peace out.

Restoration

I'm one of the advisors for the GLBT-A student/community group on campus. It's easily one of the most rewarding things I've ever done in my life but there are occasionally moments that stand out more than others. Growing up gay you miss out on a few things, most notably a sense of "normality." Most queer kids think they are the only one. We all had moments where we felt incredibly isolated and weird and just wrong. We had no role models, we had nobody to tell our story, we had nothing to make us feel like there is more than one way to be. That's why I love things like pink proms. (Proms for grown up queer kids that didn't get to have a real prom before because they couldn't go with who they wanted.) Tonight we did something kind of similar in a way and kind of weird. We read children's books with gay themes. I had a few reservations about it to begin with. It seemed sort of cheesy and silly but one of the board members seemed really excited about it and we had nothing else planned so I let him run with it. He went to the public library and got all 5 books they had. At first the rest of the group seemed hesitant. They are good sports though and they all went to a big room in the union and sat on the floor in a circle and took turns reading out loud. They sort of made fun of the books to begin with and the idea and the the entire kindergarten atmosphere but then they got into it. The books were so simple and so beautiful because of it. Just simple messages that it's ok to be who you are, it's ok if you aren't like everyone else, there are a lot of different types of love and they are all good, there are a lot of different types of families and they are all good. Sometimes it takes something as simple as a children's book to restore a little part of yourself you didn't know was damaged or missing. We didn't have these books when we were little. We all grew up thinking that boys fall in love with girls and that was that. If you were a boy and you didn't like girls then there was something wrong with you. Tonight we all got a little piece of our childhoods restored to us. We all get to feel a little bit better about ourselves. We all got to feel just a little bit more "normal." But above all that we all got to bond over something as silly as children's books and feel like we belonged.

First Impressions, Second Chances, Third Wheels

First a little house keeping before I get to the "real" blog post.

~ My dog destroyed the blinds this morning while I was in the shower. I have no idea how. She somehow managed to snap a plastic bar affixed to the window 6 inches from the celling and then drag the blinds to the middle of the room. I imagine she saw something outside, got tangled, flailed, panicked, and destruction ensued. Dumb dog.
~ Work is going well. I really really like my new supervisor. Someone recently pointed out that he looks a LOT like the Canadian... That might explain why I feel so comfortable with him. I think we'll be good friends.
~ I might apply for an opening at work. It would pay slightly more and be a lot more work but at least I could sit at the "big kid table" and be faculty instead of staff.
~ I recently volunteered to be on the advisory committee to create a GLBT studies minor. It will be an insane amount of work but it will be great experience.
~ I had a cute little Sunday Easter brunch at my place today. It's the first time I actually entertained at my current apartment. It was a tad crowded but it worked. I got to finally use my 1950's pink and blue dishes. The food seemed to be a big hit.
~ My car is all better now. I picked it up last Friday and it looks good as new. There is a tiny 1/4 inch gap between the hood and the fender but it's not noticeable unless you REALLY look. The paint matching is perfect and the work looks good.

And now to the "real" blog.

What is more important, trusting your first impression or really getting to know someone? For that matter... is it better to hold out for assumed "perfection" when you might not ever get it or to give someone a chance when they might not initially seem ideal?

The last time I saw the Mysterious Stranger things had an odd feeling of finality. He made a couple of little subtle comments that seemed to indicate that once he moved then that was it. No mas. It was actually a really eye opening conversation that I've been mulling over in my head all week. We were sitting outside enjoying our drinks when a professor that I really respect walked by with her dog. He wouldn't touch the dog and that worried me. Then once they left he kind of trash talked the dog. Then I brought up my less well behaved although prettier dog and the fact that he had never met her. That's when he said something about having a week to do that, as if once he moves he has no plans of ever coming back, visiting me, or inviting me and my dog to his place. I could never imagine my dog at his house. He has $5000 rugs and paintings that cost more than my car. I love and respect beautiful things but in the end he's just a little too fussy for me. He's certainly someone I want in my life but I'm not sure in what way. He seems great on paper, I'm attracted to him, he seems to have his act together, but I really think he's running scared and terrified to let anyone in. I'm not sure I'm strong enough to break down his walls or if I even want to try.

Last week I also had dinner with the Czech. He's been inviting me to his apartment for dinner pretty much since we met. The MS told me he's an amazing cook and a compliment from him really means something. I had been putting off being alone with the Czech from the beginning. The first time we met was awkward and forced and uncomfortable and I really couldn't have gotten away any faster. I know he's friends with and has a crush on the MS so that added an extra layer of weirdness. I decided from the first moment I encountered him to safely place him in the "friend" category to try to shelter myself from some confusion. So... keeping things in public places and simple seemed to be the best idea. He picked up on the fact that I was avoiding being alone with him and sent me this odd email asking if I was afraid he would harm me or something. I felt bad and agreed to be a gracious guest if he wanted to cook for me. I walked to his apartment and was pleasantly surprised. He cooked risotto for me with shrimp and asparagus. It was probably the best risotto I've ever had and everything was perfectly cooked. We started with this chopped salad of colorful vegetables dressed very simply with salt, pepper, and olive oil. And then for desert... tiramisu. I LOVE tiramisu! I should mention that he made the tiramisu 3 days before when he asked me to dinner the first time, I declined and so he invited the MS over. Weirdness. But this dinner was not weird. I was there for over 3 hours and we had a great conversation. He told me about growing up in a communist country and about the Velvet Revolution. I drank way too much wine and had a nice time. Again, I certainly want him in my life but I don't know in what way. His oddness somehow makes me more comfortable in comparison to the MS's calculated perfection. Oh, and he's already met my dog and actually asked if he could go with me when I walk her sometime. Liking the dog gets you a ton of bonus points with me.

Do I dismiss all boyfriend applicants? Do I continue to hold the course and take more time? Am I really into either of these dudes? Do I even know what I want? no. At least I can answer one of these questions. ;-)

Next week is Drag Queen Bingo. As odd as is sounds, this is "the" social event of the year for me. Who will I invite if anyone?

Bloggity

It's been a while. A lot has happened, much of it is good, some of it is simply "the way it is." The Shepard Symposium was last week and it was fantastically amazing. I went to some awesome sessions and the keynote and endnote speeches were awesome. I am really proud of my community for pulling together such a great symposium! Oh, and I get to be on the steering committee next year! My exhibit opening was the second to last event of the symposium. I was very happy with the turn out for my exhibit and really happy to see so many friends, coworkers, and students show up. After the exhibit opening some friends and coworkers ran to the neighborhood watering hole for some beer and fries (food would have taken too long) before going to the Elton John concert. There were probably about 10,000 people at the concert and Sir Elton John did his thing for about 3 hours! I didn't know a lot of the songs so I honestly got a little bored every now and then but he didn't make a dime off this concert so I figured we owe it to him to sit and listen to any song he wanted to sing. The concert made over $550,000 for the Shepard Foundation! Yay! And Elton John committed himself to do a benefit concert for the foundation every year indefinitely. He was very gracious and a good host. We had tickets for the after party. I was actually pretty much worn out but went anyway. There was WAAAYY too much alcohol there and I drank something like 4-5 glasses of wine. There were a lot of cute out of town gay boys there, including one Mr. T.R. Knight of Gray's Anatomy fame! It was a pretty good party all in all. I kind of wish I would have danced more. I felt like warmed over crap the next day. Last week I actually went out drinking 3 nights. I seem to be well on my way to being an alcoholic. Monday night I had a pitcher of beer with the MS but I think that was in my last blog. Wednesday night I had another pitcher of beer with the Czech. That actually went a lot better than I anticipated. We chatted and had a nice night. I feel like a jerk... he asked me to dinner at his house and I made an excuse and said no. Since I didn't go he invited the MS. So strange... I had coffee with the MS today. It just didn't seem to go so well. He seemed a little resentful that I was there and made some comment that indicated when he moves, whatever we have is over. He also suggested that the Czech and I would make a good couple. So weird... Anyway, this blog sucks but I'm going to post it anyway. Peace out.