Breathing Again

I was at home Friday after work. It was about 6:00 and my phone rang. I recognized the number as being an NAU number. I had a mini panic attack and opted to not answer. I knew it was someone calling about the job I interviewed for and I knew they wouldn't call at 6:00 on a Friday if it was good news. A job offer would have come earlier in the week. It was kind of a chicken move but I was right. She left a voice mail saying they had offered the job to another candidate and that they had accepted. She went on to say lots of very kind things about meeting me and the interview. I had prepared myself for the worst and the best without really deciding what that meant. I instantly felt a wave of relief since it sucks to be stuck in limbo for two months not knowing where you'll be living come June. But then I was oddly sad. I'm not sure I wanted the job and I certainly didn't want to decline the job but I sill kind of wanted to be given the option and for them to want me. I should just leave it at that. I learned so much from the interview process and I feel really great about getting as far as I did in such a competitive position. But it's hard to not have thoughts like: "why didn't they want me?" or "what did I do wrong in my interview?" None of that is productive though.

So, here I am. There are worse places. It's almost spring and now I'm better prepared and know more about what I want out of a job. Honestly, I think I would have been bored in that position and left within two years. They might have suspected as much.

Now I don't have to worry about moving. I have a beautiful summer to look forward to. I can finish this semester and my last summer class without the pressure of having a job riding on it.

I'm relieved and feel like I can easily manage to finish this semester. Utah is coming this weekend, so it will be nice to see him. Just a couple weeks of classes left then I can relax for a few weeks before starting my LAST class!

To let loose,
to let free,
to breathe in,
to breathe out.

Peace out.